It’s Works For Me Wednesday over at We Are That Family and I’m linking because after all…aging gracefully works for me!
I said I was taking a brief detour in Living My Legacy series to chat about Aging Gracefully. But as I’ve started writing these essays I realize that Aging Gracefully is an important part of living the legacy I want to leave. (The Legacy series started here and the Aging series started here, in case you’re interested!)
Grumpy old man. Mean old lady. Ever known one of those? I’ve known a few. As I get older the question of why the older man is grumpy and the older lady seems mean drives me nuts. Growing older is quite enough; I don’t want to grow older and meaner for the love of Pete!
Before Mom left this world she and I got the chance to talk about this. It bothered her too. Growing old and getting mean. Mom had a lot of pain in her life. A lot. But it was after my little brother left us, that my mom began to put into words what she believed about moving through pain. Here’s a little from her prayer journal during the early days on her journey of grief…
”Trials and pain come to your children, what we learn through them becomes a strategy for our walk through this life…Past memories are not meant to hurt us, nor are they meant to be embellished to make us long for the good old days, they are to show your faithfulness, to encourage us that in the end…in the end… you never fail us.”
Mom went through her share of anger over loosing David. She took her time but she did move through the anger. Eventually she was so broken and so tender there was no room for cynicism and bitterness. Here’s the thing…I think life can beat the love and joy out of people. Life is hard. Sometimes it’s downright unbearable. Disappointments can devastate and wreak havoc on our very essence. And sometimes we get angry. Sometimes we just don’t have the energy to deal with the anger and we stuff it and keep going. Little by little our faith is chipped away. Little by little the stagnate anger starts to boil with each new disappointment or loss. Over time our verbiage becomes cynical and negative, poisoning everyone around us. And one day we’re not so young anymore and the list of hurts is long and the stuffed anger has nowhere to go and it just spews out of us in snide comments or sharp comebacks. We look in the mirror and we’re old and mean…
Old and mean. One of those is inevitable if we continue to breathe year after year. But one of them isn’t. How old are you? If I asked you to tell me your deepest hurt, what’s the first thought? Does it bring you to tears or give you an emotional pause? Or does anger and sarcasm spew out with the recognition? This is a tell-tell way, I think, to know if you’re on track to being bitter.
I’m not in the least downplaying pain. Nor am I saying that anger in the journey of grief is avoidable. Again, life is hard. I’m sorry if you’re in your twenty’s and no one’s told you this. Enjoy the good times. But know that some hard days will come. Don’t be surprised when you walk a dark road…it will happen. It’s how you move through these times that leaves you either broken, spilled out and eventually a tenderhearted vessel for The Father’s love, or angry, bitter and eventually an agent of poison to those around you. Throughout my life I’ve been a little of both.
When I was younger I was guilty of poking fun of grumpy older men or angry older ladies. Not anymore. Now I feel so sorry for them knowing how much pain they must have experienced over their lifetime. I don’t think anyone truly wants to grow meaner with each passing year. My prayer is to deal with hurts, loss and pain and move through the grief to a place where I’m more tender and understanding. More loving and trusting. Like my mom.
~Love to you Peeps and prayers as we live the legacy we want to leave…one day at time~
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Really enjoyed this! I, too, know plenty of old grumps, but had never sat down and really thought through the process of how they might have become that way. I turn 45 this year – gulp, how can that be? – and find myself becoming more and more age-conscious. I so want to be positive. Thank you for the reminder!
Susan’s last blog post..Optimism for Kids
Beautiful post. As my mom says, “Bitter or better. No other choices.”
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. This is so true. Life deals us some difficult hands sometimes, and it’s how we play those cards that impact us and those around us. I definitely want to grow old(er) lol; but I don’t want to grow mean. Blessings, SusanD
SusanD’s last blog post..Winnings and Awards
What a wonderful post. My husband and I work on this almost every day. The day to day challenges of having a child with severe autism presents us with many opportunities to decide: bitter, angry response or expanding heart, a hug and perhaps a laugh. Laughing always helps. I bet if you put these essays together they would make a beautiful little book. Thanks again for another lovely post.
Joanie @ The Bright Side’s last blog post..lilac days
Robin….Thank you for sharing this….Truth….Wisdom…. and Discernment…
I love the legacy that YOUR mom left you……that is so beautiful. I learned AFTER my mom’s death, that even though I thought the pains/trials she experienced were brought on by her self and her attitude, nonetheless they were hurts to her and I wish I had dealt with them differently…tried to be more understanding of what she was going thru, etc. I hope I do, indeed soften with age, and not harden, grow more gracious rather than bitter, love more than hate, and leave a legacy just as you are referring to! Great post today, Miss Robin; thanks for sharing!
Suzanne
suzanne’s last blog post..Another giveaway !!!
Defenitally is part of Living the Legacy! I’m glad I found your blog. I am an optomist and Joe is a realist (keeps me grounded at times in a good way). So, we can butt heads on topics like these. Glad to see I’m on the right track so far
Not that I am 100% of the time. But, life can be so much better if you see the good in people and have empathy for their struggles. I agree with Joanie…this series would make a great book!
Amber’s last blog post..3 Day City Wide Garage Sale
I enjoyed reading this a lot! It made me think very hard and will try very hard to ensure that as I grow older I will not grow meaner! Thanks, Robin!!
rene’ smith’s last blog post..Quick and Tasty chicken salad
My Granny Sapp was a wonderful woman who I saw every day of my early life. She loved on us all in her own special way. When I went away to college she had some mild strokes and I came home to a different Granny. My Granny had held in a lot of bitterness and unforgiveness, when she had the strokes all of it came bubbling out. She could not control her emotions and talked of things she had been bitter about for 30 years. She made me realize I must keep my forgiveness up to date. I cannot carry unforgiveness with me because one day it will come out. When my Granny went to be with the Lord I did not remember the bitter, hurt woman that came out in the end but the kind, giving beyond measure woman she had been of my childhood.
Recently, I have been dealing with a lot of my baggage and my Granny has come to mind. I want a loving and kind legacy. I want when I am bumped for the right things to come out. I am working hard to have a clean heart.
Ruthie’s last blog post..My body was telling me
Thank you for sharing this! I have someone in my life that is so angry and bitter that she makes everyone around her miserable. I have been struggling with my feelings about her and praying that God will help me love her. I am truly struggling with this. What a different view I have now…she is in pain and hurting from a lifetime of sadness. It seems that it would be so apparent, but I just now realized it after reading your post.
Chelsea’s last blog post..Reflecting
This was so beautiful, my sweet Robin. And so very true. I think a lot of it is a reflection of our faith, and how much effort we put into it. But I also think so much of it has to do with learning the art of forgiveness. My hurt or anger rarely comes because life is unfair; it comes because I’ve not been gracious with my ability to forgive.
gitz’s last blog post..Watch Where You Step
Beautiful post! Now all we have to do is walk it out.
Lisa’s last blog post..Kool Aid Play-Doh
Robin, I’ve been occupied with getting packed for moving and I’ve missed your blog. Today’s post comes at a time that it is especially meaningful to me. Thank you for sharing your heart – I learn so much from you.
Aubien’s last blog post..Getting closer…
Excellent insight! The Lord must have directed me to your blog today – my family is going through some trauma this week and your perspective is just what I needed. Thank you
Robin,
Thank you for the “legacy” suggestion. I popped over here and read back a bit on your legacy series and it’s awesome. Well-written – your words go straight to my heart.
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