“Lots of things would shatter my world, but “that’s” not one of them…”
I said this last year on two different occasions about the same thing.
Can you see “it” coming?
I was referring to someone’s young, single daughter getting pregnant.
Last month our baby, Emma, told us she was pregnant. Emma’s actually not a baby. She’ll be 24 this year.
Emma’s not married. Now, when I said the silly thing about this not being my issue, Emma was engaged to a young man who had been in our family for 5 years. The Husband and I loved him like he was our own kid. So if Emma had gotten pregnant before they got married…well, moral issues aside, we would have very quickly been thrilled. Why? Because her life was on a certain course and a baby would have been in their future anyway.
But Emma ended her engagement and started dating someone on and off that we didn’t know very well. (Actually, not at all)
And at the time she got pregnant they were “broken up”. So this news felt like I’d imagine getting hit by a tractor trailer would feel. I’m not trying to be negative but the truth is, her life from all the information we had, was on one course when actually … she was going in a very different direction.
I won’t go into any more details but after many tears, lots of talking and many sleepless nights, we’re so very thankful that we’ll have another grandchild in October~
I’m sharing this for two reasons…
First, When I write from my heart I find it difficult not to be honest. I’m drawn to and inspired by flawed people living with purpose in the middle of their not-so-perfect lives. My prayer every single day is that someone may come here and find a bit of inspiration or even hope from my not-so-perfect life.
Second, so many of my precious online friends have reached out to me over the past few weeks, knowing something was wrong in my world but not knowing exactly what. I’m so humbled by the love and encouraging words and prayers.
But I share this with fear and trembling…
Some of you reading this have strong beliefs about sex before marriage. Some of you have tiny tots running around and you are raising them with a strong set of morals. One of them being: no sex before marriage.
I understand completely. Because that’s what we did.
Please, not for my sake, but for yours…don’t judge. Take it from me…judging someone never ends well.
Others of you don’t have these convictions and may be thinking I need to just get over myself. (You’re probably right about that by the way) It’s Emma’s life. It’s Emma’s choice. Just support her.
I understand this too. And after a few rocky weeks, that’s just what I’m doing.
No matter where you’re coming from, can I just say thank you for your sweet support these past several weeks. I want to find a way to tell you how I’m encouraged and given hope by your words…but I keep coming up short.
Love from the bottom of my tiny heart. And hugs. I’m a hugger…so hugs.
Going forward there are many, many decisions that Emma has to make so a prayer here and there for her (and our new baby) would be so tenderly appreciated.
xoxo
I’m going to leave you with a song that my most precious blog-friend Sara (Gitzen Girl) sent me when I sent out an SOS asking her and a few others to pray. I’ve listened to this song every day since. It’s become a bit of a lifeline.
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Robin, Thank you for sharing this. I too found myself in this position when I was 20 years old ( a long time ago). The love and support of my family at that time made all the difference in the world. Of course, they were shocked and upset at first, but then gave me just what I needed…love. I ended up having a miscarriage later on and if I had had to go through that all alone, I don’t know if I could of handled it. Thank goodness for loving families who can support their children through difficult times!
One of my favorite quotes is this: “A Baby is God’s way of saying the world should go on”.
.-= Eileen´s last blog ..Mosaic Monday – Flowers of Spring =-.
Eileen…Thank you for the encouragement to do the right thing.
What’s been reinforced the past few days with everyone’s precious stories…love is the right thing. Love wins.
I so love your quote.
hugs and love~
Hi Robin~ First of all, I want you to know that your blog IS a source of inspiration and hope for me. I’m 30 years old, have a husband I love dearly and 3 precious kiddos. I feel strongly about God’s plan of no sex before marriage. However…I too had my first baby when I was 18 and a senior in high school. We truly all make our own decisions and mistakes throughout life. We’re all sinners. I think that remembering my past situation helps me to stay humble and not judge others for whatever they may be going through. I was terrified to tell my parents at the time. I thought they would be so angry and disappointed. You know, I’m sure they WERE. But they supported me through it all, and I know that today our relationship is so much stronger because of what we went through together. It was real. I pray that I will always have the strength to support my children like my parents supported me…like you’re supporting your daughter. Hugs!
Marie…thank you for sharing your story. I am so encouraged by the fact that you want to be to your children what your parents were to you…
I’m also given such hope seeing your life has turned out so beautifully. Thank you for your gift of story and encouragement. xoxo
Wow Robin ,
This life is an amazing journey. To think last year at this time you had a different set of circumstances, but it was still about a daughter and a baby. You bless us so much by your transparency, your honesty, especially in such an open way. I treasure that because I tend to want to stay ‘private’. You allow your testimony to speak so gently and you live each day, minute by minute, hour by hour. I thought of you when I read the following from Oswald Chambers – you, Robin, are no ‘empty pod’. Praying for you guys…special love to Emma.
My utmost for His highest, March11—
“I was not disobedient unto the heavenly vision.” Acts 26:19
If we lose the vision, we alone are responsible, and the way we lose the vision is by spiritual leakage. If we do not run our belief about God into practical issues, it is all up with the vision God has given. The only way to be obedient to the heavenly vision is to give our utmost for God’s highest, and this can only be done by continually and resolutely recalling the vision. The test is the sixty seconds of every minute, and the sixty minutes of every hour, not our times of prayer and devotional meetings.
“Though it tarry, wait for it.” We cannot attain to a vision, we must live in the inspiration of it until it accomplishes itself. We get so practical that we forget the vision. At the beginning we saw it but did not wait for it; we rushed off into practical work, and when the vision was fulfilled, we did not see it. Waiting for the vision that tarries is the test of our loyalty to God. It is at the peril of our soul’s welfare that we get caught up in practical work and miss the fulfilment of the vision.
Watch God’s cyclones. The only way God sows His saints is by His whirlwind. Are you going to prove an empty pod? It will depend on whether or not you are actually living in the light of what you have seen. Let God fling you out, and do not go until He does. If you select your own spot, you will prove an empty pod. If God sows you, you will bring forth fruit.
It is essential to practise the walk of the feet in the light of the vision.
Madge,
Thank you Sweet Friend for your precious encouragement.
Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I read this from Oswald Chambers. Mike and I have been praying over God’s vision for us. I’m printing this out for him to see.
As you always do, you touch my heart Madge.
love love love
Sometimes the best things in life are unplanned. I’m glad you decided to post this. Being a grandma is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. You know that, you are one already!
I know exactly how you feel except my daughter was 15 when she got pregnant. She is now 16, a sophomore, and a mom. And I’m a grandma which I didn’t think would happen for at least 10 years. I sure do love my granddaughter. She is the best! So congrats on the impending arrival of another grandbaby! 
.-= Carmen´s last blog ..Moose Mousse =-.
Carmen…
Thank you for sharing your precious story. I feel so encouraged and hopeful thinking of your response of unconditional love.
Love to you and your sweet girls….xoxo
Hey Robin,
just stumbled into your blog through a heap of others and after having spent days going through blogs (for my work, I’m a journalist) can I just offer you a word of encouragement from the other end of the world.. I am also a christian, and I’ve just had a baby, one year old, am not married, but just engaged, and it was a bitter pill for my mother to swallow and also for me as a christian to meet up with friends I hadn’t seen for a while to admit I wasn’t married.. Can I just remind you of those immortal words ‘let him without sin cast the first stone..’ Can I beg you not to assume what your friends are thinking, most of them are possibly reminded of something they did themselves when they were younger or possibly something their own children did that they haven’t been brave enough to share with you. I think you are remarkably lucky your darling daughter has told you and will give you the chance to share this baby with you. You will possibly have a stronger relationship with this little baby than with dear Eliot because he or she will need much more support not being part of a conventional family. Can I tell you that my very fundamental grandmother who would probably have lectured me till the second coming if she had been alive, actually had my mother a scant 8 months after her wedding day (I finally figured the maths!) Every family has scandals, most of them remain a secret.. your daughter might have just snuck to a clinic and you would never have know. What a brave young woman she was to turn to you.. What an opportunity to witness to her and your community! Well done you! love and prayers from Australia, I wish you all the best, Penny
Penny…
Thank you to the moon and back for weighing in.
You are so right…so far there has been no judgment . None.
I love your perspective on Emma. Bravery. I hadn’t given that thought. You’re so right.
I’m so honored and humbled that you shared your story with me.
Thank you for your prayers ~ sending hugs to you and your precious tiny girl.
Prayers to you and your daughter. I’m glad you shared though because we have all gone through something like this or will go through it in our lives. And how exciting – a new grand baby!
Robin,
I just found this today, through your link on “Thoughts on Friendship”. I don’t know how I missed it before.
I’m going to say again girl, you have a gift. I love all your blogs but the ones that touch the heart are truly the best and could be published.
Tears, Tears, Tears.
Thanks for sharing your heart. It helps others in ways you’ll never know. I have a tractor story. But mine is more like a freight train that goes on and on and on and on. I haven’t been able to share it with many and I’ve only truly opened my heart to one dear friend. I wish I could be more open because being open with our heart allows God to minister to us through the hearts of others. I have been touched today by you and by those that responded to you. Thank you and may God continue to Bless your life with love and with words.
~Velvet
Robin,
I too have a daughter that is engaged and had our Granddaughter Emma (whom is amazing) at the tender age of 21.
I was so sad for what would not be, a life of learning before becoming a mommie. I even went so far as to tell her that she wasn’t ready she was still a baby,ok my baby. She wasn’t overly fond of young kids either so of course I was worried. But it is not in my time but the lords time. That was a hard one to swallow. We always need to be reminded of being humbled…
What I learned was that my worry was really for naught because my precious daughter is the most amazing momma ever!!! She is so in love with her baby girl and we are soooo very proud!!! People say “well mom what did you think would happen with you as a role model” that was touching.
( because secretly we wonder if we did a good enough job raising our children).
I am thankful my daughter did indeed do the right thing and brought our loving Emma to life without any regrets!!!! In hindsight we wouldn’t change a thing(like we could any ways right) but seriously we love our baby and her baby with all our hearts and Praise God every day for blessing us!!!!
Take care and remember God has great thing instore for you and your family!
Your new Solitary Friend!!!
Pamela
Robin- Vanessa sent me your way as 2 weeks ago we got the news that our 16-year-old son and his 19-year-old girlfriend are pregnant. Ugh, same thing a straight-A “on track”, 10th grader now with a different path ahead of him and us. It took me a little bit before I could blog it but now I have. You and I met at the blog party in 2008. You can bet I’ll be sticking around reading your blog.-Michelle
Michelle…I’m going to be praying for your son and his girlfriend and that precious baby…sigh.
I’m sending hugs and love …
Hey Girl,
Well, I found out I was able to get this at work. I’ve been reading and holding back tears reading your posts all morning. I loved the one where you said, “You aren’t going to say things you don’t know – but you know that God knows.” I love all the references to the book by Peter Wilson. I looked until I found more about Emma. I am praying for her health, for you, for joy in the midst of it all. If we can’t have that – then we won’t ever have it. I realized yesterday that my deepest motivation for my kid’s having a good relationship with God was so that I could feel good that “I was a good mother.” It was about me – not them knowing the One that loves them most. And that is a fear based motivation – I have so so so many fear based motivations – that not only don’t prevent – but often speed what I fear. So I got to explain to my kids why I wanted them to have close relationships because of the love God has for them….not because of my fears I have for them. I am praying for you and your beautiful beautiful beautiful love -filled family. That baby will be blessed. XXO I’m going to go read some more – I ‘m going through a relational situation that I’m’ not goint to explain here – in public – but your site is healing. your words are healing –
I am praying for all of you.
Just stumbled upon your blog and Emma’s story. Sounds so familier with my youngest sister. Her boyfriend (now engaged) were on again off again when she became preg. at the age of 24. I know my mother was devastated as was I. Two and half years later we couldn’t imagine life with out Dylan. I do believe most of our pain was for my sister and knowing how hard life was going to be, single mother and all. It is amazing that it has made her such a strong person now and I envy that. Happy Holidays
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