“All is grace because all can transfigure”
“The demanding of my own will is the singular force that smothers out joy-“
I’ve been counting gifts since I first read Ann Voskamp’s book in January. I’m finding there’s more to counting gifts than meets the eye. Isn’t it like that with God…layers and layers of truth, changing layers and layers of me?
One morning last week I woke to the most oppressive heaviness. In my quiet time I couldn’t focus. My mind stormed with dark thoughts and my emotions followed. Within an hour of starting a new day I was completely buried in ugly, old issues.
Would it do any good to tell you the issues?
Without going into details I felt insecure and less-than. Overwhelmed by a sense of disappointment …oh, and really angry. Angry because after all,I have rights and I’m entitled to…whatever.
These feelings aren’t new to me. In fact they’re same-song second-verse feelings. But feelings I thought were long ago dealt with.
That morning however, I found out that those insidious fixations were alive and well.
“Will I ever grow Father? Ever really break free of the ugly in me?”
I talked to The Husband about it, and as I unloaded the weirdest thing happened…out of my mouth, completely bypassing my brain came these words…
“But overall I’m really excited, because this means God is working change in me, even with things I didn’t know were there.”
And joy…just like that, joy bubbled up.
I ran to find my gratitude journal…
#422 – God allowing the ugly to surface-He’s up to something…transfiguring the ugly to beautiful I suspect.
Has something ugly in you, an attitude or train-of-thought, ever surfaced and taken you by surprise?