“All is grace because all can transfigure”
“The demanding of my own will is the singular force that smothers out joy-“
(Ann Voskamp~One Thousand Gifts)
I’ve been counting gifts since I first read Ann Voskamp’s book in January. I’m finding there’s more to counting gifts than meets the eye. Isn’t it like that with God…layers and layers of truth, changing layers and layers of me?
*****
One morning last week I woke to the most oppressive heaviness. In my quiet time I couldn’t focus. My mind stormed with dark thoughts and my emotions followed. Within an hour of starting a new day I was completely buried in ugly, old issues.
Would it do any good to tell you the issues?
Maybe.
Without going into details I felt insecure and less-than. Overwhelmed by a sense of disappointment …oh, and really angry. Angry because after all,I have rights and I’m entitled to…whatever.
These feelings aren’t new to me. In fact they’re same-song second-verse feelings. But feelings I thought were long ago dealt with.
That morning however, I found out that those insidious fixations were alive and well.
“Will I ever grow Father? Ever really break free of the ugly in me?”
*****
I talked to The Husband about it, and as I unloaded the weirdest thing happened…out of my mouth, completely bypassing my brain came these words…
“But overall I’m really excited, because this means God is working change in me, even with things I didn’t know were there.”
And joy…just like that, joy bubbled up.
I ran to find my gratitude journal…
#422 – God allowing the ugly to surface-He’s up to something…transfiguring the ugly to beautiful I suspect.
*****
Has something ugly in you, an attitude or train-of-thought, ever surfaced and taken you by surprise?
Something ugly happened here at the church at the beginning of the year, and while I think I am dealing with it and letting it go, I find myself occasionally voicing “I hope” thoughts (not the good kind). I am praying for grace and while I feel I am a grace-filled person and willing to extend it, this is maxing it out for me. Thanks robin for an “open” post. Love and hugs to you.
Bill…I pray for you to have grace too my friend…when we’re maxed out is when God does His most powerful work…love to you
This is so timely for me. Just last night I was on my knees in tears talking to God about the ugliness in me. He must be changing me! How could I ever change if he didn’t first bring to light those things that need to be put off and out of me?! ~ Thanks for this! I love your beautiful blog by the way!
Stephani…it’s so true God has to show us before transfiguring the ugly to beautiful. Prayers for your journey my friend…xo
Thank you for being open and transparent. Since I have been reading your blog I feel like you have become a very good friend. You have been an inspiration to me. Because of you I am reading “1,000 Gifts” and I am working on my list. Thank you!
Candy…oh thank you for your encouragement my new friend. Prayers for us both as we learn eucharisteo…xo
I had this thought a while back. I didn’t agree with who I saw myself becoming when I was with certain types of people. I made a very conscious decision to surround myself with people who were uplifting-to me and to others. One of the best gifts to recieve!!! Thanks for a great post!
Robin,
My book came in the mail two days ago. I cannot wait to get deep in the middle of it and see what God has in store for me. I have been learning so much from so many of you from your different blogs. So proud that you are looking through all of the weeds to see the beautiful flowers waiting. Blessings my new friend!
Paula…please let me know if you see God working as you read…xo
Ahhh, Thursday. So beautiful! God also had me focused on joy this morning. I join you in praying; LORD help us transform our ugly into Your beauty. Thanks friend!
Tom…thanks for dropping in on Thursdays 🙂
I’m off to read what God put on your tender heart this morning…
(“Jesus my greatest joy”…love it already)
Has something ugly in you, an attitude or train-of-thought, ever surfaced and taken you by surprise?
Are you kidding? The UGLY comes out at the most surprising times! But it is so good to know that it is because He is trying to change me!!! For the better!!! That makes my heart happy. Your honesty overwhelmes me sometimes. I have alot of trouble putting it all out there like you can. I guess I still want people’s approval…………another weakness. LOVE to you, P
Pinky…first, you with ugly on the inside? Not certain I believe that my joyful friend 🙂
Second…I have to be honest, I’m compelled. I’ve no idea why ’cause I reeeaaally want people to like me too! :0
love you
R
Wonderful post. And yes, I’m a work in progress. I’ve been thinking along these same lines and recently did a post on butterflies but closed with several quotes such as-“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.” and
“If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies. ”
Change can be ugly and painful but the end result is always beautiful in God’s time. I’m in the middle of change right now and it sure does hurt. But like you, I have joy knowing God is up to something great!
Tammy…I love your quotes and saying a prayer for your changing journey. Hugs…
I love this post. Ugly rears it’s, well, ugly head in me more than I care to have but I have become more aware of it and now am able to find my way out for the most part. He is changing me and I just have to learn to listen and have faith in what He is teaching me.
Michelle~Being aware of our weakness is the first step to change I think. xo
Thank you for this…. My role in life is changing right now and feeling inadequate is rising to the surface and sometimes takes over! So glad I am not the only one that feels this at times. Thank you for sharing!
Wow, this was so needed- I had an ugly day yesterday and by the time I rested my head I too realized the Lord was doing a work in me and some of that ugly, OK all of it, has got to bubble up so it can be seen and dealt with.
I too will add this to my thankful journal.
Michelle…I’m like you in that so often when I settle my spirit getting ready for sleep, God is able to whisper to me about the day. He is so patient and tender isn’t He? xo
I am reading One Thousand Gifts right now and I love-love-love it. I was surprise by an ugliness toward my best friend earlier this week. I feel she was inconsiderate towards me. I felt very angry about that. I took it personally that it was something against me. Maybe she just didn’t care about me? She didn’t care how her procrastination was an inconvenience on me. I had anger at her that I have never had towards her. After a day of seething about it I took a step back. I realized she didn’t do it on purpose. And, she admits, she procrastinated and was hoping the situation would “magically” work out. She wasn’t trying to drive me crazy on purpose! Still I was surprise by the anger in me.
Josephine~How many times I have seen my perspective shift after waiting a day! xo
I’m afraid so. I just wrote about one (2 blogs back) called “Confession”. So thankful that He keeps working on me, thankful that He is full of grace and mercy, thankful that I am forgiven, thankful that He will always love me!
Kristin…oh my goodness those are two of my favorite word…grace & mercy. sigh…
I love this so much Robin…I am going to share….blessings, julie
I love your honesty Robin! Thank you for sharing … there is plenty of ugly in me too! And, sometimes it just surfaces at the oddest moments – times when I think I’m doing well and conquering feelings, etc … reminder that I constantly need to give everything up to God. It’s a daily, moment by moment giving up sometimes!