“Spend the whole of your one beautiful life investing in many lives…”
Ann Voskamp~One Thousand Gifts
Hospitality: Welcome, kindness, warmth, generosity…
This weekend I’m having a baby shower for Bethany, my oldest daughter whose first baby, a girl, is due in mid-May. On Monday I found myself going in circles not getting anything done for the shower. By the end of the day I was the definition of grumpy. I yelled at my little shadow, Bindi (one of the pups) and snapped at The Husband. I slept fitfully and woke to pouring rain. Before I even threw off the covers I heard the whisper…
“Why are you anxious about this shower?“
I knew the answer immediately. I sighed as I shoved my foot into a slipper…I’m anxious because I want this to be perfect…for Bethany.
Silence.
“Okay, ” I relented as I walked downstairs, “for me too. I want this to be perfect because maybe it’s a slight reflection of me.”
YUK. I have a love-hate relationship with seeing the ugly in myself. Hate it for obvious reasons but love it because I can’t get rid of it it until I see it.
*****
During my quiet time I did a bit of research on what the Bible says about hospitality…
“Show hospitality to one another without grumbling”(1 Peter 4:9)
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord…”(Colossians 3:23)
When I start anything from a distorted motive things tend to get messed up. Sitting there curled on the couch before sunrise with rain falling steady I remembered a baby shower a few weeks before. It was for my niece Colleen given by her mom in preparation for their second Baby Michael David. At one point during the shower I kinda stepped back and listened. Watched.
There were cousins, aunts, friends and grandparents hugging on each other. Occasionally one of us would lay a hand lightly on Colleen’s rounded belly sharing blessings for the tiny-one growing inside. We gasped over each baby gift opened… you’d think we’d never seen a flannel blanket before. But that’s what women do.
There was laughter and cake with fluffy frosting…
We bounced babies on our knees and talked excited over one another telling birth stories, and stories of newborn’s who didn’t sleep… stories of nursing infants and potty training two-year olds. This talking, retelling…it wasn’t merely jibber-jabber.
We were reliving memories. Keeping them alive by giving them away. And with our memories we were giving something more. We were giving a bit of ourselves.
All of us coming together to love and support Colleen, and in doing that, maybe we were somehow loving and supporting each other.
Colleen’s mom put together a gorgeous shower with yummy food. But what I’ll remember forever are the happy voices and carefree laughter and I can’t help believing in our loving each other we were also loving God.
*****
All the preparations are a means-to-an-end.
Starting with the end in mind keeps ego and drive-for-perfection from blinding me to the truer purpose, creating an atmosphere of welcome, kindness, warmth and generosity.
*****
Do you have any thoughts you can share with me about hospitality? For some of you, it comes as natural as your next breath. I so love to know your process…
KatieK says
March 17, 2011 at 7:09 amWow Robin. What a perfect post to read this morning while I am still in my robe… before the sun is up, before baby girl starts squirming and making her sweet little noises letting me know she’s ready for a new day, and even before I begin to have the wrong attitude about this new day. Thank you for your honesty and reminding us of what truly is important.
I wanted to thank you again for raving about “One Thousand Gifts.” I have been digging deep in her blog and as I go through her 10 Point Manifesto for Joyful Parenting. I just started reading “One Thousand Gifts” last night. I am going to read it slowly as I let her words seep deep. I know it is going to be life-changing and it is exactly what I need right now. Thank you.
Also, I have been meaning to tell you that Ellie’s birthday was darling and I loved the pictures! What a creative party! Stephanie didn’t miss a detail. Can’t believe she’s 2!
Robin says
March 17, 2011 at 7:17 amKatie…I’m so glad you’re reading the book, Bethany, Stephanie and a few others are going through it chapter by chapter via FB message! It’s def. a book that requires a slow going-through. Let me know if you take the dare 🙂 xo
KatieK says
March 17, 2011 at 8:33 amHow do I sign up for the FB message?
KatieK says
March 17, 2011 at 7:13 amAlso, I’m sure Bethany’s shower will be just as special as it can be. What a precious new life and new Mama you are celebrating! Can’t wait to see pictures.
Kathy @ Creative Home Expressions says
March 17, 2011 at 7:14 amI think it’s natural to be anxious, Robin. Of course you want everything to go perfectly for your daughter. I felt the same when I had my daughter’s baby shower last year. Not everything goes as planned sometimes, but nothing catastrophic. I can only tell you to look at what you’ve accomplished and take a deep breath. The day of, let people help you {part of my anxiety was always trying to do everything myself}. It may not be exactly as you might have done it, but it’s done.
Dianne says
March 17, 2011 at 7:22 amThank you for sharing this…it was PREFECT timing…I am getting ready for my daughters baby shower too…it won’t be until Easter weekend but it doesn’t hurt to start with the right frame of mind….My daughter is having a shower for her friend this weekend and I can’t wait to share this post with her..We are so blessed to have people that want to celebrate our blessings…just remember..people feel more at ease when things go wrong…perfect worlds make us feel a bit uncomfortable.
Robin says
March 17, 2011 at 5:59 pmDianne…I’m excited about your daughter’s shower! And your new grandbaby! I love the thought that people fee more at ease when things go wrong…I’m giggling thinking I can really put everyone at ease…what a gift! xoxo
dad ~ says
March 17, 2011 at 7:36 amHospitality….Okay here we go…..hospitality…..
Susan says
March 17, 2011 at 7:42 amI love your blog because it’s so much more than just surface stuff! You’re obviously a detail person (I am too) and it’s those details that can sometimes bog us down. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that when I’m entertaining, most people aren’t even aware of most of the details I’ve fretted over. They’re there to visit with others, and have something good to eat. Providing a pleasant sitting is nice, but not on most guests’ list of priorities. I guess the key is to try to keep things in perspective.
Best,
Susan
Tom Raines says
March 17, 2011 at 7:43 amWonderful Robin. May the shower be a reflection of God’s love and put off a sweet smelling aroma to Him. I know it will as the love He has poured out on you will in turn pour out on all in attendence. Enjoy the moments my dear friend (and be nice to the husband-ha!),
Julie Garmon says
March 17, 2011 at 7:57 amWhat sweet responses from your readers. I believed your honesty triggered it.
I go into this perfection mode before entertaining too. But when the party starts, if/when I can forget about myself, that’s when the good time begins.
I’m always a little relieved to find a touch of mess in someone’s home. 🙂
Thinking back, the best parties haven’t been about perfection, but about people. Just like this post.
Brenda Osborne says
March 17, 2011 at 8:12 amAs usual your blog is amazing! Your hospitality is always so warm and inviting, everyone feels welcome and loved. I have experienced it many times and always came away happy.
Slow down a little and drink in the moment. Bethany is blessed to have such a beautiful and thoughtful Mom.
Love you,
Brenda
Kerri says
March 17, 2011 at 8:57 amRobin, your blog – and your wisdom – is such a gift. I find incredible inspiration in it all the time. Thanks for your honesty about entertaining. I am also a a bit of a reluctant entertainer; I think its because I always want things to be ‘perfect’, but with a young family, our house is so chaotic. But you are right – out friends and family don’t care whether I’ve scoured the sink today. They want to be part of our life, for all of its imperfections. Have a wonderful shower. Kerri xxo
Bethany says
March 17, 2011 at 9:10 amMom – the shower is going to be perfect for me even if it’s not “perfect”! The fact that all of the women that I love are going to be getting together for me and Baby B is perfect enough and means more than anything. Not to mention, you’ve never hosted anything that is anything less than wonderful. I hope you take the pressure off of yourself so that you can “be all there” with us on Saturday. That is the most important part……
I love you and can’t wait!
Sharon Butler says
March 17, 2011 at 9:56 amI am so touched by your Blog and Bethany’s response…. that really says it all….
I am so excited to see everyone and be at the shower with yall….XO
Paula Chaffin says
March 17, 2011 at 10:24 amRobin,
I so love your honesty. We strive for perfection when all he wants from us is a servants heart.
Of course we want our children’s parties to be perfect. We always want perfection for our children, when all they want from us is their time and a piece of us.
She loves you, as does her friends. They want to see your craftiness not what you haven’t done. I’m sure it will be just as lovely as she is.
What a blessing your blog is.
Paula C
Jane Carter says
March 17, 2011 at 10:29 amI’m with ya on the “striving for perfection” thing – can so relate! But, hospitality is all about making others feel welcome and special – not impressing them with all your attention to detal. I so often find myself all stressed and flustered before hosting a gathering at my home. The times I’ve been able to “let go” of that need for everything to be just so-so, I’ve enjoyed the event so much more. You already realize your state of mind contributes to how the shower turns out – keep your mind and heart in the right place, and the shower will turn out just fine! Blessings to you, dear friend!
Eileen says
March 17, 2011 at 10:36 amI believe we all feel the way you do when we are having a get together. And, reading how you feel, shows me I am not alone, Robin. But, the one thing I have noticed over the years, is that once the company is here, they don’t even notice that I didn’t do some of the things that I didn’t have time to do. They are so busy visiting and having a wonderful time that all they notice are the people they are enjoying being with. It is then that I finally relax. It is then that I finally enjoy this time. And, I try to hold this time close to my heart so that next time I will remember what really counts. :0)
“The ornaments of your house will be the guests who frequent it”. ~Author Unknown
jenn says
March 17, 2011 at 1:18 pmi love how you write your blog. i feel like i’m having a conversation with you. now you’ve taken a breath and it’s my turn to share!
hospitality is something that was not modeled in my home growing up. my mom had perfectionistic issues that kept her from having people in her home. it just created way too much anxiety. so, i’m glad to hear you say that you are aware that there’s pride that needs to be slayed in order for the day to be what you intend.
it was, therefore, a big goal of mine to have an open home. one that people would want to gather in, and one where we had people regularly. remember kyle and allison from the blog party? didn’t know them from adam, but hosted them because we had the beds and an extra bath.
i need to be organized in order to enjoy whatever i’m hosting, and something i’m bad at is hiding in the kitchen. i’m not sure why, but my inner introvert comes out when all the guests arrive, and i retreat to where i feel safe and in control. all that to say, i’d try to enlist some help/accountability from family and friends so that you don’t miss the most precious moments of the event because you want the kitchen or the food table to look “just so”. someone else can be trusted with these details.
remember that no one will be paying the least bit of attention to whether or not there’s dust or if there are vacuum lines in the carpet. they’re there to engage with everyone else, so allow yourself to rest if everything’s tidy.
okay, that’s enough! we’ll talk next week about how it went!
gitz says
March 17, 2011 at 2:29 pmI don’t know if I have much in the way of preparing hospitality these days. I just try to make sure that when people come, they leave more filled up than when they came. I have no doubt you will do that for Stephie, friend. It will be amazing.
sarahlynn says
March 17, 2011 at 9:57 pmthis is just incredible. you said some things (well mostly ALL of it!) was what i was needing to hear. i have a problem with perfectionism. its a struggle everyday to not let it hinder me starting or finishing projects or stressing myself out with the details of creating something for someone.
as far as my own thoughts on creating atmosphere, i believe wholeheartedly that its entirely about the people and the relationships you have with them that creates atmosphere. if you love them unconditionally, as they do for you, then what the place looks like has no meaning to the experience. yes the decor can be gorgeous and a topic for small talk. but i want people to walk away thinking about the sweet conversation or the happiness and grace which the hostess and the guests were gracious with.
that being said, some fresh flowers, some soft music, a special sweet or drink and a subtle scented candle never hurt to add a little pretty to the everyday.
Robin says
March 18, 2011 at 1:05 pmSarahlynn…wonderful thoughts my friend.xo
Cindy says
March 18, 2011 at 7:08 amYour post was wonderful. It is so true … we want so much for everything to be perfect when we open our homes to others. So often I find myself rushed and grumpy when getting ready for a dinner party or family coming into town. Each time, the story Jesus tells about Mary and Martha comes rushing to mind! Once I stop long enough to ask myself, “why is it always like this, I just want it to be great” I usually find that I haven’t planned and done as much in advance as I should have which leaves me having to do too much in too little of a time. I’m working on that! 🙂 Thanks for sharing…I’m sure her shower will be wonderful!!!
dad ~ says
March 18, 2011 at 9:04 amThe Cochran’s. Momma Cochran is the very first person that comes to mind when I
hear the word “hospitality”. Her daughter’s? Just like her in the Hospitality Department.
The Cochran’s Mother’s Day gatherings at Mildred’s, were easy, laid back and family
friendly. Not frumpy or too fancy, but always a cool breezy family atmosphere.
Your Mom assumed her grandmother’s mantle and today I see that same spirit of
hospitality in you and Deb ~ tis so sweet ~
The Cochran Families “Hospitality Statement” : WELCOME!! READY OR NOT, YOU ARE ALWAYS WELCOME IN OUR HEARTS AND IN OUR HOMES ~
ps: Sparkle is a lot like that: )
Robin says
March 18, 2011 at 1:03 pmThe Aunts always make everyone feel special…isn’t that a gift?