“I hate going to Mom’s on Thanksgiving. Too much family in a closed in space with too much time to talk and annoy each other.”
I overheard this at Starbucks the other day and I knew the holiday’s were in full swing. In the midst of planning menus for Thanksgiving and decorating for Christmas I find that here and there someone is bemoaning their family dynamic. Often times, I’m sure it’s legitimate. But on this day, as I cradled my cinnamon latte and stared past the young girl who’d made the comment, I remembered the year that I stopped grumbling about family and our holiday schedule.
It was Thanksgiving night some years ago. Unseasonaly cold under a dark starless sky. Our family gathered as always at Mom and Dad’s. Earlier in the day,we’d taken turns telling what we were particularly thankful for that year. We’d feasted until we were ready to pop. We’d done that twice actually. The men played catch in the yard and the girls helped the kids with a Christmas craft. There was a fun tree decorating as the sun started to go down, all 9 of the grandchildren in Christmas P.J’s made cute pictures. I’m pretty sure there was some bickering and annoyance that day. But I don’t remember those things anymore.
As night time settled in, my little brother David ended the festivities as he always did. Wowing us with the 1st lighting of the outside of Mom and Dad’s house. We huddled on the front lawn waiting while he showed off a week of hard labor. He was so proud as we clapped and gushed over the thousands of lights on display. It was, as always, quite a spectacle.
Our car was the last to leave. As we backed out of the long driveway, I couldn’t take my eyes off the house. So beautiful with all David’s hard work. Just then David stepped out onto the porch to wave one last time.
The image burned in my heart, as some important images tend to do. David in his red and hunter green flannel shirt, untucked. One hand in his pocket and one lifted in good-bye. Just then the song on the radio seized my attention…Sarah McLachlan sang hauntingly,
“In the arms of the angel … may you find , some comfort here.”
Waving back, fingertips gently touching the frigid window, I knew there would be no Christmas lights on the house next Thanksgiving. I wept. That day had been a sacred day and I almost missed it’s significance.
Just a few months later David lost his battle with cancer. That Thanksgiving was our last with him and without David, the house has never looked quite the same. Then again, without David, the world has never looked quite the same.
Things change. Sometimes so profoundly that life as we know it is gone forever.
I’ve found that the things that grated on me about holidays in years past, are the very things I remember now with tenderness and longing.
When with your family who gets on your very last nerve, breathe in an eternal perspective.
Love them with intention.
Overlook all the junk.
That’s what I wanted to say to the young woman at Starbucks… because you never know when your living a sacred day.
Love to you my Sweet friends and prayers for each one of you as together we live our legacy~one day at a time.
I am teary eyed – what a beautiful, warm post. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for such a heart warming reminder to live each day as if it is our last and love others as you love yourself! I’m so thankful for all the memories I have of my parents and the love they put into serving a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner! We really don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone! So we move on to new traditions and new routines and before you complain remember these are the memories you are giving to your children and your legacy. Will it be one of complaints or love and happiness?
This is a beautiful post and one in which I completely agree with you.
My family has changed greatly this past year due to death and serious illness of some of it’s members. At times I am tempted to give in to sadness and weep for all that has been lost, but instead I am trying to focus on what I still have and celebrate life, make memories and enjoy what I do have while I still have it.
.-= Kim´s last blog ..Seasons Change =-.
What a beautiful post. And what a beautiful reminder to cherish every moment. I need that perspective most holidays. Even at 30-years-old, married with a child, I still inevitably end up at the center of a bitter feud between my divorced parents. They don’t speak, they just go back and forth with me and it’s usually who gets to see us and when, how much and if the time is equal.
It’s tiring.
But I have to remember, that it won’t always be like this and when it’s not, I’m going to miss it. Taking note how much I’m loved…enough to for two people to bicker about it.
Okay, I will try to post a comment although I am a crying mess right now….bawling my eyes out. That could have been written by me, how many times in the past 6 years have I stood in line at the grocery store or over hear someone at a table near me complaining out family, children…the holidays and just wanted to scream to the top of my lungs or slap the sh….(sorry) out of them to wake them up. Somehow you know, but the last Christmas we had with Brad, of course he was 18 yrs. old and he loved Christmas. I had wanted to have it on Christmas Eve with my whole family, at my house so we could have more time together. I was feeling very sentimental, Brad had just relapsed Thanksgiving. My sister and family came in with all the hustle and bustle and my sister starting complaining about this and that, and why did we decide to have it tonight instead of tomorrow…….etc. I went into the kitchen alone and my brother followed, that was the first moment I remember admitting to myself that he wouldn’t be here next Christmas. I started to cry silently so no one would see, especially Brad, and I remember saying to my brother, “I just have this feeling that this is my last Christmas with Brad”. And it was.
Oh, yet another lesson about perspective. After yesterday’s post on my own blog, I began to think a chord was struck, a heart string was plucked among many bloggers…..and here is the lesson again. I think God is bringing this home to me……what a beautifully written perspective my friend……I’m so sorry you suffered loss, but it did indeed teach you and enable you to comfort (and see what comfort is needed) others because of that which you suffered. Another thread in the tapestry of legacy, my dear. Well said.
Suzanne
.-= suzanne´s last blog ..Perspective……a gift you can give yourself! =-.
You know how I love your blog–your writing–your posts. But I think this is my favorite one. I’m sure when you post Monday that will be my favorite. Then Tuesday will be the best.
But today’s–wow–Robin. Thank you. Lenora, I’m so, so sorry.
Thank you for your encouragement today. I’ve been dragging my feet knowing that Thanksgiving will be entirely up to me, if we’re going to have anything. I haven’t figured out how to work all day, take the kids to hockey all night and still make plans. But in all likelihood this will be the last Thanksgiving with my family as we know it today. I sooo needed to hear this today!
I agree with Julie, one of my new favorites, and so eloquently written!
.-= Vicky´s last blog ..Touchdown =-.
Speechless… Even though I lived far away from my Mom and rarely spent a holiday with her in the last 10 years, this will still be my first Thanksgiving without her. Not even a phonecall to hear her precious voice. Too many times we let the “annoyances” get in the way of real joy. Love to you Robin as you remember your brother. ~Lanie
.-= Lanie´s last blog ..Friday Favorites (11/13/09) =-.
First of all I want to say how sorry I am to you and Lenora for your losses. Also…..I don’t tell many people this but my REAL (given) name is Lenore! So I always focus on Lenora’s comments! Would love to be able to e-mail her? Does she have a blog, Robin? Do you know? Now, thank you AGAIN for the inspiration and perspective. I think as we get older we ralize more and more what is TRULY important. I am so blessed that my kids don’t feel like it is a chore to come here (at least I don’t think they do:):). Have a GREAT weekend my friend, Pinky
Robin, I am so sorry for your lose but so grateful you have that last memory of David and of that wonderful day. This really should make us all think about all the days we take for granted and the upcoming holidays with a renewed sense of gratefulness. I take solace in the fact that one day we will all be together with those we lost sitting at the Lord’s table. “May you find some comfort here”.
Blessings to you, Mindi
.-= Mindi W.´s last blog ..Shot Drama =-.
Oh, Dear One, you’ve shared your heart with us today and I appreciate it so much. No truer words have been spoken. Only God knows our future and He expects us to live our todays with all we have. Twelve years ago my father went to heaven on December 13. Christmas time was his favorite. The year before, both my children and their spouses made the expensive long trips to my mother and father’s home for Christmas. We had a great time being all together and when a friend came over, we asked her to make a picture of the family! That was the only ‘all together’ photo we ever had made. My father passed away the next year. Your post brought so many memories flooding back to me today – we cherish our memories! Live each day as if it’s our last!
Be a sweetie,
Shelia 😉
.-= Shelia´s last blog ..Tablescape Thursday =-.
I have been visiting your blog for a couple of months now but haven’t commented. I have really enjoyed your writing. Today’s post is very meaningful to me because my mother-in-law just passed away right around the same time as your father-in-law and we are anticipating holidays spent without her. Fortunately one of my sister-in-law’s bought her home so we will always congregate there. My sister-in-law is also planning to decorate big (like my father-in-law used to before his death) and start back a couple of traditions that had lapsed when my mother-in-law got older. So, even though there will be sadness, there will be much comfort just being together and keeping our family traditions.
I teared up reading your post. Christmas and the holidays are very special in my family. I remember the last Christmas with my Grandma. Life is too short to always be complaining. Not that I don’t complain about other things 😉 I just make it a point to try not to about family.
Robin,
You have a gift for helping us undertand the important parts of life.
.-= Aubien´s last blog ..I forgot something, and something else … =-.
Robin,
I was going to write about how annoyed I get when someone puts their parents down…I want to scream at them “at least they have parents, some of us don’t anymore.”
But after reading the sad things others have posted here, even that complaint seems insignificant compared to the losses some have suffered, including you. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother and your mother, and also more recently, your father-in-law. I can feel your grief, having also lost both my parents, my mother & father-in-law and my younger brother.
I hope you have a blessed and memorable Thanksgiving and holiday season.
Hummm, well………..can’t say you didn’t warn me.
Bitter sweet memories ~
Love you,
dad~.
Dad called me and asked if I had read your blog today, and when I said no, he told me I should go read it but have a tissue on hand. Thanks for helping me remember why family and the holidays are so important.
I Love you,
Sis
Poignant moments are even more poignant when we don’t have to see them in hindsight. Thanks for reminding us that loving intentionally is the best gift we can give.
So sorry about your brother.
C
.-= Celesta´s last blog ..Gasp… =-.
“Love with Intention. Overlook the Junk.”
I love that. I’m going to steal it and use it and share it. Thank you so much Ms Robin for your inspiration, hope, love, and so much wisdom that you have gained through all the pain and experiences life has brought you. I’m so sorry for your loss. But so thankful for all you share. you bless me everyday. <3
What a wonderful reminder of what the upcoming holidays need to be about. My mother lost her battle with cancer this year, so these will be our first holidays without her. You’re absolutely right about things not being the same. Thank you, thank you for the lovely words about keeping things in perspective, and not letting the busyness of the coming weeks get the best of us. Bless you.
Abby, prayers for you and yours this holiday season…Hugs~
Beautiful….your words touched me …. I don’t even know what else to say
.-= Mona Hernandez´s last blog ..HURRICANE IN NOVEMBER? =-.
Just tried to read this out loud to Ricky. Couldn’t get through it. Had to hand him the laptop so he could read it. Robin. Robin.
That was beautiful. Thank you for reminding me how precious family is. You are amazing.
The part about things changing and never the same again is so true. I embrace everyday, laugh and sing everyday, tell those I cherish that I love them everyday, for tomorrow could be different. My Mom used to tell us “when you wake up in the morning you don’t know where you’ll go to bed at night.” Meaning that life can change drastically when you least expect it as nobody can predict what will happen. Thanks for this thought provoking post.
I have so many words, but all I really want to say tonight is that I love your heart. So much. And I’m glad you have such a firm hold on these beautiful memories.
.-= gitz´s last blog ..Grading On A Curve =-.
Thank you. My grandmother has pancreatic cancer, my aunt has breast cancer and my 25-year old little sister just had kidney cancer removed. Cherish every day with every person. Look at the good and focus on that. Laugh off the annoyance. Relationships hold value above all other things…
you are so right.
I’m so sorry for your loss of David.
.-= [email protected]´s last blog ..Peace through the storm =-.
Wendy…hugs and prayers.
Robin, Your blog always catches me off guard! Thanks for the life perspective. Thanks for being you!
.-= [email protected]´s last blog ..PB knock off peace dove pillow =-.
Oh thank you for this precious post. It is so perfect and so touching. We all need to stop and love one another everyday. I hope you have many more wonderful memories. Hugs, Marty
Beautiful reminder … perfect timing.
Thank you.
.-= Vanessa´s last blog ..The Frozen Waffle Lesson =-.