Sixteen years ago on a cold January afternoon, a trip to the grocery store changed my life.
The pressure of juggling the schedules of four teenagers was pressing in on my last nerve. Truth be told, something was always pressing on my last nerve. That day I still needed to grocery shop and do a mountain of laundry.
I left the kids at home and headed to the grocery store.
Inside the store, I pushed the cart up and down the isles trying not to mow down the huge display of spam. Who eats spam any more? How old is that stuff anyway? My mind was racing with nonsense when my buggy nearly hit the back of his heel.
I gasped and the gray haired man turned around.
“Hello, neighbor” he grinned.
Standing there, in a dark blue suit, crisp white shirt and a shinny red tie my neighbor Robert, looked completely put together.
“And how are you this fine day Robin?” He sounded surprisingly chipper for a man who’d just six months before lost his wife of thirty years.
“I’m okay Robert, how are you doing?” My voice dripped with pity. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you” he said looking down and stuffing his hands in his pants pockets. “ It was hard at the end. She put up a fight though.”
Suddenly, he looked right into my eyes. “It’ll probably sound terrible to you, but I’m kind of excited about starting over.”
Pregnant pause. What the heck do I say to that?
“Well, that’s good.” I stumbled. “So is there anyone in particular?”
“No, no, no. Not at all. I just know what I’m looking for this time. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but it would be someone exactly opposite of Sheila.”
Dear Father in heaven, could this GET any more awkward?
“I mean, I loved her” he added quickly, “but she and I had a rocky thirty years. She was, I guess you’d say, a little difficult.”
He forced a laugh. “She’d say the same about me. Anyway, next time, I want less drama. More peace. And more laughing.”
Time stopped. My chest felt heavy. I couldn’t breathe. This was a God Thing…
We said our good byes. I felt so sad. For Sheila and Robert.
But I also felt sad for my husband, Mike and for me.
The lights in the store were too bright. I looked at my feet. The floor was too shiny.
That’s how Mike would feel if I died tomorrow…
It was true and I knew it.
Uptight. That was me. Life as a rule overwhelmed me. Some days I went from drama to drama.
Finally getting to my car, shivering, I put my head in my hands and wept. Slowly the heater started to warm the cold air around me as I heard a clear message from God’s heart to mine.
If I die before Mike, I don’t want him to look for someone opposite of me. Like Sheila, I needed, less drama. More laughter. More peace.
That very day I came home and wrote down what I wanted Mike to say about me when I was gone…this is it…
*She loved God
*She loved me and the kids
*We always knew she was praying for us
*She made our house a home. Peaceful and safe.
*She supported me and encouraged me constantly.
*She was my best friend.
*******************************
I have come to believe that each one of us, whether we acknowledge it or not, are living every day, the legacy we will one day leave. That list, I made so long ago, has become my standard for living that legacy.
How do you want people to remember you?
Love to you Friends as we live our legacy~one day at a time.
Dear Robin, your post made me cry. how good is that! GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!! The ultimate art is the craft of our life. You just put in a new blade to start carve & sculpt a life that’s perfect for you and your family. So good for you.
… I know you’re asking for how I want to be remembered, but I feel that your post is so good as it is, I don’t want to add anything to it. Nevertheless I’ll ponder the thought, and maybe write you later.
.-= Craft Rose´s last blog ..Beading Technique: How To Knot a Pearl Necklace =-.
Awesome!!! You left me with a HUGE lump in the throat! HUGE!
What a wonderful, wonderful post. You are so right. We are living our legacies right now. So convicting to me! I, too, need much less drama in my home and more of a soft place to land.
Powerful post, it got through to me.
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Passing on an Award =-.
I just discovered your precious blog and I love it. Your post today really made me stop and think…hard to do in the morning when I am rushing around trying to get everyone fed, prepared, and out the door. I need to “bottom line’ my life again…something I have to do regularly (just to make sure all the priorities are still in the correct order). Thank you sharing such a beautiful, thought-provoking story.
smiles,
Wendy
WOW Robin! I had not known you back when you wrote this post. I am so glad you did. I can relate to the struggle you have. What type of legacy have I left my now-grown children? What would they remember about their dad? He was funny? He joked a lot? He accepted us? He loved Jesus? What would Jo remember most about me? Was it the harping about her weight? Was it harping about…..(you fill in that blank)? He made me laugh (or cry)? I am afraid that many of us (myself included) put forth one picture to others but when we are behind closed doors we are the opposite. Thanks for the story and the challenge.
.-= Bill (cycleguy)´s last blog ..Hospitals and Churches =-.
One of my favorites, if not THE all time favorite of mine! So powerful and moving. Those words are never very far from my heart and I try to work them into the fabric of my everyday life! Love to you Robin!
.-= Vicky´s last blog ..Thankful… =-.
THANK YOU….!
This posting really spoke to my heart, which is heavy with family drama, I really needed to hear this.
I am going to do the same this weekend and “make a list”!
My day is much better, thanks to you.
So needed this today as I am on my 3rd drama this year- none controllable but by me that they happened but definitely my response could be different.
I have a very similar list to yours. I don’t think I’d anything.
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Looking at the bright side of things =-.
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing this post again!
.-= Linda @ A La Carte´s last blog ..E IS FOR EGG =-.
You’re right! One of your best. This one is like a fine wine, it gets better with age! Thx
I had not read this post before Robin so I am glad you decided to re-post it. This is definitely thought provoking and one in which ALL of us can do some soul searching on.
.-= Eileen´s last blog ..Vintage Thingies Thursday-1975 Sears Wishbook-Part 1 =-.
O*M*G*! Girl, your raw honesty amazes and inspires me! I am so glad you had a ‘flashback” since I hadn’t seen this. I will try to come up with a list. I do have to say, my Joe and I LAUGH alot! He is a funny guy! Laughter helps get over alot. I hope I can find some traits that I like about myself!!!! Food for thought, thanks! XO, Pinky
Thank you for this inspiring post!
.-= Jane´s last blog ..Ash Wednesday, Rudy and Holy Music =-.
Robin, you have a way with words. You have a GIFT from God to share those words with others. Funny that I read this today ….as last night we were discussing previous relationships in our lives and how different what is developing between us is compared. We truly feel we were ‘matched’ by God. Prepared to meet. We said it is amazing how we just simply talk. Enjoy time together. Not having to rush, go, do something all the time. I sincerely hope that one day it will be said…. I know without a doubt I was sincerely loved, cherished and appreciated. Because that is how I feel now. Finally.
YOU, my dear blog friend…are SUCH an inspiration.
Robin, you are such a motivation to me. This is an amazing article. I could write my own…You see my husband tells the story about my dad. I love my dad and mom, but my mom and I are a lot alike. My dad, in his frustrations, told Joey my husband, “When Waynett dies, I am going to get me a lazy woman.” Now that would not do for daddy at all for he likes things organized and done “right.”
However, you and I and all the other women like our type, whatever that is, understand. It too am “working on,” being a little more still. Can I use your story if I credit you?
Oh my! what a story! thanks for sharing.
.-= Kim´s last blog ..thursday misc. =-.
Wow. This hit home. Thank u for reposting this – I love it. I feel like I am guilty of too many rules, being uptight, a bad temper when it gets to be too much and ugh. I love ur list and want to make one of my own now.
Thank u
Hugs.
Robin,
Thanks for flashing back. As a relative newbie to your blog (a transplant of Sara’s) this was amazing. I want my Jason to say those things of me at my funeral plus serve lime slushes and pizza….I want him to celebrate our life. Thanks for the well-timed, beautiful, and humorous reminder on something that is so tender. I think the husband would definately say all those things of you and more–way to listen and respond to our amazing God.
Shannon
I’m thinking you could flash this one back every Friday. I’d forgotten how much I love it–almost.
oh sweet Robin…
what a breath of fresh air you are… your honesty is so inspiring…this post.. WOW! i ADORE you… and thank you for the bottom of my heart for sharing this!!!
xxo, kim
.-= Kim Klassen´s last blog ..irene here…. 🙂 =-.
Ah this one made me cry. I can see why everyone is drawn to it – so honest and real. ? ?
.-= Raina´s last blog ..the weekend of redemption =-.
awwww, thanks for reposting this one Robin. It made me cry again……I needed the reminder……I don’t want them to remember me as the uptight wife and mom…….beautiful post!?
.-= TidyMom´s last blog ..Family Game Night! Uno Mod {Review & Giveaway} =-.
My all time favorite! I love you
Oh, I loved this! What great food for thought. What a wonderful legacy you are leaving for your family. I want to do the same. It reminded of a dream I had in September when we were dealing with my sick mother-in-law who was home with hospice. In my dream I told someone that all I wanted my obituary to say was, “She loved God.” I hope one day people will say this of me.
Wow, excellent reminder that each of us have a limited time on earth and with those whom we love the most and most often treat the worst. Thanks!
.-= Shannon Wilson´s last blog ..It’s all German to me! =-.
thank you for sharing and reminding me.