Last Wednesday I wrote about simple times in my life when I felt happiness. Grace-moments.
For days after writing that post, I couldn’t stop thinking about the times in my life that were the darkest. Months when I could barely breathe. Where were the grace-moments during those times?
Long before the sun came up one morning last week, I knelt to pray. Often times when my mind is wandering during my prayer time, I kneel to help me focus. As I whispered my prayers, it started raining. I was on the screen porch with no lights on and as the rain came down harder and thunder rumbled, I paused and listened…
With not even a pin-prick of light and the rain pounding loud, I had the strangest sensation of being in the storm but sheltered from it at the same time.
“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil…”
I whispered the verse over and over as my mind went to a place I try to avoid. The days after Mama died unexpectedly. I braced myself for the melancholy that always accompanies the memory. But instead of the melancholy, I was surprised to see and to feel something else...what was it?
The memory was from the night after Mama went home to be with Jesus. I was half numb and half terrified. It was time for bed but I couldn’t fathom going upstairs and trying to sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, memories from the days before would flood in. A nightmare that was reality.
In my den, I sat on the floor, legs pulled up to my chest with my arms wrapped tight around my knees trying to slow my breathing.
Please don’t make me go to bed ...please don’t make me go to bed…
Behind me on the sofa was my Aunt Gail. She had come home with me from the hospital after we said good-bye to Mama with a promise that she’d stay as long as I needed her. Now here she was, up late with me until I felt brave enough to climb the stairs to my bedroom and try to sleep.
Every now and then she reached down and touched my shoulder.
Her presence gave me something I couldn’t name at the time.
But now looking back I know exactly what it was.
Very tiny. Very quiet. But oh-so steadfast and strong, right there in the middle of this horrific storm there was grace. And though I couldn’t see it at the time, God used it to give me shelter.
In hindsight, I can see that over and over there were grace moments in that storm.
Over and over He kept me safe.
Today you may need a grace moment in your storm…I pray sweet one that He meets you right where you are and gives you shelter.
On the other hand…you may in fact, BE a part of someones grace moment…in which case, I pray for you to reach out and follow through.
Sending you love my friends.