Today is my mom’s birthday. Had she not left this world for eternity she would have been 69. I miss her today. Right now, I’m on my back deck surrounded by my pups remembering…
The morning she turned 64. Stephanie and I got up before the sun and drove an hour to the Krispy Kreme near her and Daddy’s house. We bought hot donuts and took them to mom. She was so surprised to see us at the door so early on a weekday morning. I remember she was dressed for the day, but hadn’t put on her makeup and she still had her floral slippers on. She loved her slippers. Mom was an early riser and had been up for hours. The coffee pot was empty and she busied herself making a fresh pot and talking a mile a minute. She talked a lot when she was excited. (Yes, that’s where I get it) I remember sitting down at her kitchen table and looking at my watch, thinking of the things I had to do that day. But in the end, watching her scurry around pulling mugs out of the cabinet, pouring cream into a tiny pitcher and setting little plates out for the donuts, I dismissed any responsibilities enjoyed my time with her and Stephanie. How would I have known I’d never surprise her again … there would be only one more birthday to celebrate with her on this side of eternity. Softly that July 26th dawned with the three of us sitting around her table there in her cozy kitchen, pouring steamy coffee from her fire engine red coffee pot. Making jokes as we let the warm sugary Krispy Kreme’s melt on our tongues. That morning forever lives on in my heart. Five years ago…how different life is today. I’m pretty sure I got up that morning feeling a little miffed about making the hour drive. I most likely tried to talk myself out of it, thinking I could do something with her another time. I probably grumbled about traffic. But oh how thankful I am that my heart won out that day. Other days my sensibilities won out. But not this day.
I miss her every single day of every year since she left. Some days are more intense than others. Some of you know from my post on “The Fog“, that I’ve been in a rough place lately. I’m handling this place differently than I may have in the past. I’m not medicating. I’m not numbing. I’m not running from the (emotional) pain or trying to talk myself out of it and into being more “positive”. I’m just feeling it and giving it some time. This is not normal for me, not how I handle pain. But right now, at this moment, I’m glad I’m allowing the pain. That I’m not numbing or running. I’m so honored to be able to remember Mom and to feel those memories, so tender and sweet and at the same time so deeply painful that they slice and soothe simultaneously. For such a time as this I am choosing a difficult path but the one that’s best for me.
Emotional pain is not popular these days. Everyone rushes to stop it at all cost. That’s what I’ve always done but choose not to do right now. I am praying for each one of you. And by name and need for those that mentioned a need on the “Fog” post. If you have something you’d like to mention today please do…holding you close in prayer Friends… And please take a moment to read over my precious friend Sara’s latest post and join me in praying for her … I don’t know anyone I’d rather see get an answer to prayer than this Sweet One…
I feel for you Robin. My mom went to be with Jesus in 2004 and there are times that I miss her greatly. I knew she was praying for me like only a mother can. I miss those occasional cards I would receive. I miss the opportunity to pick up the phone and give her a call. But i also know that she is with Jesus and the cancer that took her so quickly has lost. My prayers are with you. In fact, just finished praying a “dangerous” prayer for you (as I do each day).
.-= bill (cycleguy)´s last blog ..A Preacher’s/Speaker’s Prayer =-.
With you……..
I do understand. I also miss my mom soooooooo much. Like you I do have such wonderful memories. Hugs, Marty
.-= Marty´s last blog ..Met. Monday – Rearranging Accessories =-.
I am dreading that day for me. So I can’t say yet that I know how you feel but I can’t imagine the pain. For most of us our Mother’s are our best friends. But the most important parts to remember is we know where our Mom’s go when they leave this earth (Praise the Lord) and our Mother’s would not want us to be unhappy in our lives. I have been and will continue to pray for you. Thank you for letting me know you are still praying for me. Prayer works and I love that you make it so important!
.-= Chele´s last blog ..Teaching God’s Youth =-.
Mother’s … yes, there are days that we think or do some things we should not necessarily do because ‘of the moment’ & they will be with us forever … I remember moving Mother out to be with us the last 15 mns. of her life. I wish that this one day in particular when I saw her going to lunch I had stopped to share it with her rather than ‘thinking about it’ & continuing on with my daily ‘things’. Sometimes I felt smothered, which all my life I’d never had that feeling before because she lived so far away & now she was around the corner, literally. When she went home to celebrate Christ’s birthday on Christmas Eve 1989, He picked her specially because of the life she had to endure, unfortunately. Mother was a beautiful & very precious woman but that one time still ‘ticks me off’ when I think of passing her by … I loved her with all my heart & soul … she is missed every day. TTFN ~Marydon
I know how you feel too, I lost my Mom 18 years ago! I don’t have many good memories, but she did the best she could at the time. I had her here with us for 5 years before she died, I took care of her. When she died I still heard the bell she had to call me and I still smelled her when I went past her room…..that lasted for several years! Now I pray to her and miss her and regret that we didn’t have the relationship I always dreamed of. I work hard to insure that my daughter and I have that realtionship. She is my treasure! (along with my son too!!!!:):) I am so happy to hear that you are NOT numbing, medicating etc. SOOOOO many people are doing just that and I will NOT! I am tryng to give my problems over to God and listen to see what he tells me to do. Hugs, Pinky
Sweet Robin. You will go everywhere with me today, in my heart and on my mind. Prayers, hugs, and love for you.
.-= Anita´s last blog ..I’m Going to Mess Up! =-.
Hi pretty lady! I will be praying for you! Oh so thankful you are living and feeling what so many want to suppress! It’s the only way to heal! I applaud you for rejoicing over your mother’s life and what she meant to you…for to forget would be a tragedy my friend! I love you ! Dani
You inspire me. Lately my mom has been making me nuts. I will remember your words today.
.-= Mindy´s last blog .. =-.
Beautiful, reflective, moving and running over with wisdom.
One of your Mom’s favorite verses was, James 1:5 and she
claimed it often for herself and for her children. It gives me
great joy to see it actually fleshed out in you and Debra.
Another verse she would quote and pray often, 3 John:4.
God is good~.
Thinking about you.
.-= Anita´s last blog ..Coiffed =-.
Rob, my sweet, dear friend, you are so courageous. Your mom would be so proud of you today. You are everything she prayed for you, you are an extension of her heart. Your creative ways are a reflection of the creativity that inspired your mom with her watercolors and many of art forms. I miss your mom and hearing her say, “Now Ruthie”. I love you.
I’ve been quiet and reflective and prayerful today. So many in need of prayer and so loving of you to offer to pray for them. Along with Sara, baby Stellan is travelling a difficult road and both have been on my mind and heart today! Sweet blessings to you!
.-= Vicky´s last blog ..Cully’s Kids =-.
I’m praying for you! My very close friend (whom I mentioned before). She was like a mom to me. Before she passed. She was going in for an easy day surgery. We were walking buddies. Walked several times a week. It’s really how we got to be so close. There is a lot of talking that happens in a 3 mile walk 😉 Well, the day before her surgery we were going to walk. I was still sleep deprived from my little guy just being a little over a month old, had been out all day with a friend. I questioned whether or not I really wanted to do the walk. With both kids. It was the last time I saw her and talked to her. I’m so glad that I didn’t give in that day to being tired. I can’t imagine the regret I would have felt not seeing her that one last time. Take care and thank you for sharing your memories of your mom.
What a great example of relishing in the fullness of days that you had with your Mom. It’s close to home for me at the moment. Your transparency is a gift….keep it coming.
No specific requests for me, but I can’t get this little girl off my heart. She deserves our prayers….http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mcraekate
In joy,
Celesta
Celesta…I’m continuing to hold your sweet mom in my prayers. Love to you and I’m going to ck out the caringbridge site…
Robin…..Thank you so much for sharing your heart……