Hijacked – Who is your person?

Hello everyone! This is Emma Gay (Robin’s favorite daughter). I have hijacked my moms blog since she is out of  town and has no say in the matter.  I have been meaning to do this all week, but the to-do list kept getting longer, so it was postponed until today, the day Mom and The Husband are coming home. I did that for you all…I do not call my dad “The Husband” (that would be weird).

What I  want to write about is my mom. I know you all know her very well from her blog posts, but perhaps I can shed some light into just how awesome she is and the impact she has had on my life. After all, Mothers Day is coming up and I am really in the mood to brag on my momma 🙂

Ever since I got pregnant with Lucy I started thinking about what kind of a mother I wanted to be. I want to be my daughters best friend, her home base when nothing is going right, her spiritual and moral guide, her protector and provider,  but also someone who doesn’t make her feel judged. I want to be someone that she can come to with her deepest fears and secrets and know that they are safe with me and I will always love her no matter what she does or who she becomes.  That is quite a wish list for a mother, and quite a huge load to bare. It seems these days that those qualities would be unattainable, but I feel thatIi have no option but to become all of those things because I want Lucy to know what having a truly amazing mom is like. I know that she needs this because it is exactly what I have, and there is simply no other option for my baby girl. Friends, when I tell you that my mother is all of these things wrapped up into one beautiful, wonderful woman, I cannot stress enough how true it is. My mom is just plain and simply the best.

I have gone through some rocky times in my life, as we all have, and even during my absolute darkest hour (and I  know the hour and minute still), when I was too broken and shocked to even drive a car, I had a friend bring me home in the middle of the night, woke my poor mother up and cried in her lap for hours. If you know anything about my mom, she does not get up in the middle of the night for anything…except her baby girl. Yep that’s me, one of her baby girls. She got up to pick up some pretty shattered and broken pieces, all the while knowing that I was indeed to blame for all of  it but she never once said that. I said it… about 100 times, but she gently tried to remove any guilt or blame from my broken heart even though she knew it was true. Instead of trying to fix things right away, she cried with me. She ran her fingers through my hair and cried with me because my pain is her pain. There is no one on this planet that really and truly physically feels your pain like your mother. Even my best friends who are wonderful at empathizing with me can not make me feel like they really hurt with me like my mom does. But, why is that so important? Why would you want someone to hurt with you? For me it is because it makes me feel like I am not alone. Like someone on this God forsaken planet hears me, understands me, and feels what I feel every day…and after that she still loves me. That person is my mother, for her that person was her mother and for Lucy that person absolutely must be me.

Sometimes, even when I know that she is completely and adamantly opposed to a choice i make, she still lets me make my choices and it doesn’t affect our relationship like with some moms. One thing I have learned in my old age is that the older you get the more you understand and agree with every bit of advice that your parents gave you. This is absolutely true for me. When I glimpse back on the highlights (and lowlights) of my life, and remember the long talks we shared,  sometimes I wish I could go back in time to find my young, immature self and strangle my neck while screaming “Listen to your mother! She is right whether you like it or not!”

Lessons. We have to learn them ourselves. Wouldn’t it be ah-mazing if we could indeed learn from others mistakes and life experiences? Then perhaps all of the heartache you went through in your life could mean a little bit more because someone that you love can learn from it and perhaps avoid a similar fate? But that is not the nature of the beast. Most of the time and we can be starring straight at a person who knows what the heck we are going through, has been there, done that, and we still don’t listen to their sound advice. That is the story of my life until now. I never listened….well i listened, but i didn’t change my path. My poor, sweet mother has tried and tried to get through to me and go figure…it never sunk in until now, after I have learned my lessons, made my bed and am now sleeping as comfortably as I can in it. This is what we do. We grow up all of the sudden and say “ohhhh, she was right…“.  Somehow I came out alive and now I have my own stories and experiences to share with my daughter one day. Stories and experiences that she will undoubtedly hear but not listen to. She will make her own mistakes and go her own way and I will do just as my mom did with me. I will love her through whatever she goes through. I will love her so much, and pray for her so often that she will come out of whatever it is and realize that maybe her momma and her Gigi were right all along. Life does seem to come around full circle doesn’t it?  It’s funny like that.

As i am talking about my mothers love for me, it would be impossible not to mention how much her love is like Jesus’ love for all of us. How beautiful is that? If you have a relationship with Him, you know that His love is patient, kind and strong. It doesn’t leave you feeling judged and you can always come back to it even after you have been making mistakes and ignoring it. So many people who feel the Love of Christ just want to give him a big hug because surely no one can love you like that. No one understands your pain like Him. No one can hug you like He could, right? Well for me, the absolute closest I can get to hugging my Father is hugging my earthly mother and father.  That is what they are there for. You see, it is my personal opinion that God knows how much we need big Heavenly Hug sometimes, and that’s why He gave us parents or whoever it is in your life that makes you feel like you are not alone. The closest we can get to hugging Him is hugging our person. Be it your mom, dad, aunt, uncle, best friend or even your dog, go right now and give them a hug. You deserve it.

So today, even though this post was a bit more serious, I want to end on a happy note. I want to know who your person is. Whether they are here or no longer with you, tell me who made sure you never felt alone and just for fun tell me your most potent memory of that person and their awesome love for you.

P.S. You may be hearing from me a bit more in the coming months because i will be redesigning my moms blog! Im starting a new design business called Yellow Door Creative. I have a shop on Etsy under that name as well and my website will be up soon with lots and lots of gooodies on it. If you are thinking about branding, rebranding or getting a facelift for your blog, i would love to help 🙂 Anyone who mentions my awesome momma will get 10% off of my services or an Etsy order 🙂

 

Love you you all!

Emma <3

Photo by Anna Gay Photography – My wedding day, November 19, 2011 🙂