For the past few months my prayer has been for God to make my life a prayer. I’m beginning to see that I had no idea what I was asking.
But I’m getting a glimpse.
For two weeks life has been oddly stressful without any particular situation pushing me in that direction. Having difficulty focusing one day, I found myself starting the project of recovering the kitchen chairs. I carefully measured the seat and went to my project room to cut the fabric. When I got to the project room, I spotted the wall stencil for the guest room. Like a kitten chasing butterflies, I immediately became immersed in planning the guest room wall project. An hour flew by, the pups barked and when I sprinted down the steps to let them out I remembered the kitchen chairs. I won’t bore you, but the rest of that day and lots of other days were spent unproductive, leaving me feeling … discombobulated.
And that feeling of discombobulated left me open to worry. I mean, I must be subconsciously worried about something monumental since I can’t seem to get anything done. I may as well have put a sign on the door of my mind that read: ALL WORRIES WELCOME HERE!
I was flooded with worry. Each family member had their own special room full of worries. The more I worried, the less I prayed and as I prayed less I felt myself getting weak.
After a few days, I started taking matters into my own hands. I stopped trying to pray about the worries and started stuffing them. And as I stuffed the worries, I stuffed myself with food. Mindless Eating. How, I wondered did I open the door for this old and familiar enemy?
Finally on Monday, I hit my knees and asked God: What’s happening?!!! I feel like I’m going nuts. My desire is to live my life moment by moment, abiding in you-for my life to be a prayer…but I feel so out of control-what’s going on?
Within seconds a thought came. And I didn’t like it. Not one bit.
I remembered a conviction-a small whisper of realization of something that God wanted me to stop doing.
How many times had I heard that whisper? How many times had I justified my action, my attitude…my sin?
If you want your life to be a prayer Child, you’ll need to listen when I prompt you to make a change.
I’m sad that I can so easily justify sin in my life…whether it’s overeating, overspending, a harsh tone, a jealous attitude…when God whispers and I ignore Him, there are consequences.
I’m still asking God to: Make my life a prayer…and I have a feeling I’m only beginning to understand what it is that I’m asking.
How do you respond to God’s conviction, with justification or with a heart ready to change?
Sending you love today my friends