For the past few months my prayer has been for God to make my life a prayer. I’m beginning to see that I had no idea what I was asking.
But I’m getting a glimpse.
For two weeks life has been oddly stressful without any particular situation pushing me in that direction. Having difficulty focusing one day, I found myself starting the project of recovering the kitchen chairs. I carefully measured the seat and went to my project room to cut the fabric. When I got to the project room, I spotted the wall stencil for the guest room. Like a kitten chasing butterflies, I immediately became immersed in planning the guest room wall project. An hour flew by, the pups barked and when I sprinted down the steps to let them out I remembered the kitchen chairs. I won’t bore you, but the rest of that day and lots of other days were spent unproductive, leaving me feeling … discombobulated.
And that feeling of discombobulated left me open to worry. I mean, I must be subconsciously worried about something monumental since I can’t seem to get anything done. I may as well have put a sign on the door of my mind that read: ALL WORRIES WELCOME HERE!
I was flooded with worry. Each family member had their own special room full of worries. The more I worried, the less I prayed and as I prayed less I felt myself getting weak.
After a few days, I started taking matters into my own hands. I stopped trying to pray about the worries and started stuffing them. And as I stuffed the worries, I stuffed myself with food. Mindless Eating. How, I wondered did I open the door for this old and familiar enemy?
Finally on Monday, I hit my knees and asked God: What’s happening?!!! I feel like I’m going nuts. My desire is to live my life moment by moment, abiding in you-for my life to be a prayer…but I feel so out of control-what’s going on?
Within seconds a thought came. And I didn’t like it. Not one bit.
I remembered a conviction-a small whisper of realization of something that God wanted me to stop doing.
How many times had I heard that whisper? How many times had I justified my action, my attitude…my sin?
If you want your life to be a prayer Child, you’ll need to listen when I prompt you to make a change.
***
I’m sad that I can so easily justify sin in my life…whether it’s overeating, overspending, a harsh tone, a jealous attitude…when God whispers and I ignore Him, there are consequences.
I’m still asking God to: Make my life a prayer…and I have a feeling I’m only beginning to understand what it is that I’m asking.
How do you respond to God’s conviction, with justification or with a heart ready to change?
Sending you love today my friends
I read your post as I was drinking my coffee this morning and can completely relate. We have had five deaths at our church last week, two of the funerals in which I was participating in the service. I mentioned to one of my pastors, in one of my moments of panic, that I was discombobulated. He said “Felicia, you are unhinged. Get reconnected to the One who keeps you grounded.” Convicted? Yes! How often does that happen to me? When I take charge of everything instead of letting God control my life? I Will try to remember to be still and know that God is on my side. Thank you for your transparency. Praying for you today.
Felicia, I can hardly fathom 5 deaths in one week. Oh my goodness. And I so love the way your pastor described it: Unhinged. Yes, indeed it is a separation – an unhinging from The One who keeps us grounded. Sin in my life does that…sending you love today Felicia and thank you for your prayers. xo
Thank you Robin for sharing your heart and for reminding us how quickly life can overtake prayer. You just struck me with a different perpective my dear friend. When I saw your statement make my life a prayer, I thought this was for the purpose of others…so others would see God in you. However, you reminded me it is not about us but Him. As we live in prayer to Him we find a life of prayer that is focused on Him and full of Him. Will keep praying on this one:) Blessings and prayer!
Thank you for the prayers Tom- I like the way you said it: How quickly life can overtake prayer…truth.
Oh, Robin. What a tender post. How I identify! “All Worries Welcome Here.” That’s priceless–and if I’m not careful, that’s me. Every day.
What traps me is fear, worry, control, thinking I know better than God.
Once I allow a tiny worry to hang out, it multiplies like kudzu. Fear, if I let it, can just about swallow me whole.
No other way for me but to chose the opposite of what comes natural. To have faith as a little child. Love you.
Julie, I’m trapped by fear too…what did your mom call it…those what-ifs, things that haven’t even happened and most of them never do…sending love
Thanks, Robin, for sharing straight from your heart. So many of us easily identify with what you are sharing. I am striving to try to come to Him and rest in His peace and presence. When I am able to do this, it seems life’s journey is much easier. When we have the peace of God, we are rich indeed! My devotional book this year is Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young. It has been such a blessing in my efforts to walk in His light. I have much yet to learn. Love and prayers, sweet friend!
Gisele, God’s peace is indeed necessary for rest in this life. Once you experience it you just can’t do without it…I am reading Jesus Calling this year too and every morning I can take away a precious promise. Thank you for your prayers my friend xoxo
In the last few years I’ve learned that I am not really in control of anything. I have always felt that I must control everything in my world (not others). Then I heard my pastor say God is in control and there is no need to worry give your worries to him and it registered, finally. I can control my response to things, but not what happens. Suddenly it made sense that I’ve been struggling for no reason. All my energy was lost on a losing battle, to change things that where and are going to happen. Now when I feel like I’m going off-the-rails I stop and give it to God to decide. Thank you Robin for sharing your thoughts with us.
Diana…ohhhhhhh this is key for me! I’m NOT in control of anything except my response! Love your plan of action too…stop & give it to God…love to you sweet friend
I’d like to say I always respond to God with an attitude of changing but that wouldn’t be true. 🙁 I can relate to your post. So thankful He is a personal God though and speaks truth straight to our heart when we truly seek Him!! 🙂 I’ve been reading Jim Cymbala’s book “Breakthrough Prayer.” It is so so good!! :)I really think that prayer is the one spiritual discipline that I could improve upon!! Haha…not that I have everything else down pat. 😉 Prayer is the one God has been speaking to me about. 🙂
Gina, I agree that God is personal and speaks to each of us in ways we understand. I’ll google your current book too!
I, too, can relate to your post. You have explained it so well. I have had these feelings for a long time too but could never explain it — I find myself praying a lot lately — more so than ever. It helps!
Genny, I’m so happy you’re praying a lot and I agree, it helps 🙂 xo
this post has my name all over it. been there, done that. there, doing that.
thanks for modeling authenticity and transparency.
Jenn, then we have that in common too! xo
Robin, thanks so much for your openness and honesty! It seems you have touched so many of us see ourselves in your discombobulation! I know I see myself there and really helped to realize I need to let go and turn my troubles over to Him.
Thanks so much
Janice
Janice, Letting go is the only thing to do isn’t it? It also helps me to know that my friends have been there too. xo sending love
Discombobulation…the perfect word. Priorities and so busy, so understand!
Blessings,
Cindy
Cindy, that IS a perfect word to describe that overwhelmed feeling isn’t it? sending love my friend