“You can’t go through life allowing your pain to dictate how you behave”
~Parenthood~
I’m not certain if I’ve ever pulled out my journal and written down a line from a television show, but when I heard this it resonated in me.
*****
I’m all about leaning into your pain. After decades of going to churches that made it clear that I ‘shouldn’t be a downer, you know, bring my Bible, but leave my pain at the door, God gave me permission to stop pretending I was okay and to stop stuffing my pain…just to simply lean into it. (I wrote about that HERE)
But there’s balance, even in those seasons of pain, we have to show up for life.
*****
I woke this morning thinking about my little brother David. David was only nineteen when he was diagnosed with a vicious cancer, Ewings Sarcoma. David fought hard for ten years through chemo, radiation and multiple surgeries on his face and head, before God took him home.
David taught me so much, but this one phone call is among my most treasured lessons… (I’ve told this story before, but it’s impact is still so powerful for me.)
*****
I called David at the end of a busy day of keeping up with my four kids. Folding a towel warm from the dryer while standing in a mountain of dirty laundry, I asked him how he was doing.
“I’m doing okay today, I had chemo this morning and now Mom’s making soup” he said, “how are you doing?”
I proceeded to unload on him about the carpooling to umpteen after school activities and the homework I still had to oversee and the horrific mess around the house. He listened and made a few comments about how the kids were growing up fast, soon they would be driving themselves around…
When we were done talking he put Mom on the phone, she spoke in strained whispers. “Oh Robin, pray for him, he’s so weak. He’s been sick all day from the chemo, he can barely get out of bed….”
*****
Even now, all these years later, this takes my breath, David, like the little flower in my photo, a bit worse-for-the-wear,but still doing his best to show up when I needed him.
Yes, it’s okay even healthy to have seasons of leaning into our pain but even then there are times when we just need to show up for the sake of others, times we can’t allow our pain to dictate how we behave…
*****
Tomorrow, I’m finally going to show photos of my freshly painted dinning room furniture…whew, it’s been quite a month.
For those who’ve asked…I’m praying for you…wishing I could do more.
Thanks for posting this Robin. Your brother must have been an awesome person to know. To put aside his pain and weakness and listen and “minister” to you shows a rare individual. One incident in a person’s life can usually tell what they are like the rest of the time. He must have been quite a young man to know and love. Praying for you and your family today.
He was an amazing person Bill. love to you.
.-= Robin~ All Things Heart and Home´s last blog ..Just Showing Up =-.
you know I LOVE LOVE LOVE that show!! that line touched me too!!
I’m still praying for you guys……and think about you often!!?
.-= TidyMom´s last blog ..St. Louis Komen Race for the Cure- signed up! =-.
Thank you for the perspective and for the snapshot of God’s character shown by your brother!
The way we remember the minute details of the special conversations–brief moments in time …surely the Spirit keeps these memories fresh. Deep down we know, don’t forget this–it’s important, this one sentence can change your life.
Powerful writing, Robin. Thank you.
what a great lesson I needed to hear this today thanks
.-= pamela ponder´s last blog ..SUNNY FLOWER CAKE =-.
your brother was an amazing person. we all get down and need to unload but it’s the issue of getting up. we always need to thank God for those around us and pray for strenght to handle what’s before us. have a good day. rose
.-= rose´s last blog ..MONDAY MEETING WITH MS.MOLLOY =-.
You never know in life how much one simple sentence or act can impact another. Your brother was so very special, maybe one reason God wanted him back so bad! It IS a fine balance of not letting pain dictate to us and also leaning into it. Thanks for this post, and the little glance at your wonderful brother. XOXO, Pinky
David’s profound impact on you with just a few words, reminds me of the time my sister-in-law did the same for me. The week before my wedding my mother was quite simply absent from the planning. What I had hoped would be a joyful, and bonding time… was completely the opposite. I fought such feelings of frustration until one day my SIL wisely said that her maid of honor told her “at least you have a mother, I would do anything to just to have my mother for one more day…” Stopped me cold, and has guided me ever since.
Thanks for that reminder!
.-= Vicky´s last blog ..but then the tree rescued me… =-.
oh, how you tug at my heart, robin …
the strength god gave your brother to be there for you, even in his moments of dire pain is such testament of your brother’s love … and god’s will …
sending love to you and yours ~
prairiegirl
xo
.-= prairiegirl´s last blog .. =-.
I am struck by lines in movies and tv shows all the time… Could be because I’m a tv junkie 😉 but I was hit by that exact sme line in that show. It’s so relevant for present pain, but also the pain we carry around with us from years ago… The pain that becomes a monument to past experience. It’s the balance of owning our hurt, but then taking back our joy.
Hard to know when to do which, sometimes.
.-= gitz´s last blog ..Gitz Bits 2010: Week 20 =-.
Oh, this post resonates with me for so many reasons, Robin! Sometimes I think leaning into the pain is exactly what allows us to move forward, like breaking through a wall. Once we push through that barrier, then we can show up for life, be there for others. Our own experiences can help us be stronger for others when they need us. Your story about your brother’s phone call is beautiful. He sounds like he was one strong and wise person.
Sending you love and a great big hug–
xoxo Gigi
.-= Gigi´s last blog ..Josh Ritter – Golden Age Of Radio =-.
How’s Emma doing?
and I hate the experience your brother went through – so much “never to be understood” pain and agony. the brutal unfairness. it will make sense on the other side- it makes no sense on this side. i am sorry you had to walk through that – i can’t imagine the damage it caused to your psyche – the survivor guilt – the hatred of verses like “ask whatever you want.” It was brutal. And then the loss of your mom. I remember you writing once to appreciate my mom because the things that drove me crazy about her would be the things I miss the most. I love you. Thank you for not forsaking God when it seemed as if he had forsaken you.