It’s the same old battle.
This time it’s a sneak attack while I’m sitting in traffic. Roadwork near our new house insures that I’ll sit in a long line of cars several times a week.
The day is crisp, the sky brilliant blue and my mind takes notice for a second before flitting to the next thing.
Dinner…what will I fix?
Switching out my closet from shorts to sweaters…
How’s The Husband doing at work today? Father, strengthen Mike today…
My son Timothy, ” Lord be with my boy”…
The next house project…I’ve gotta make a master list for what is left to do…what is left to do…what is left to do…
My thoughts stick on that phrase, what is left to do… and then it happens.
The sneak attack.
What is left to do? There are a million things left to do. And you’ll never get to any of them…at least not any that really matter. You’re 51 and you’ve never done anything truly important. Never had any success. And time is running out, you’re old. You’re tired. You don’t even try very hard any more.
I start to argue back: I define success in a different way than you do...sigh. But I’m not even certain who I’m arguing with.
Besides, whoever “It” is…they’re right…I am tired.
I go through the rest of my day in a grumpy fog ignoring the smiling man in the orange apron at The Home Depot. Not making eye contact with the young girl checking me out at Publix…the thoughts don’t come back…they don’t have to, the damage is done.
It’s not until the next morning, sitting with a little white pup in my lap and my first cup of coffee cradled in my hands that I think of how yesterday so quickly turned sour.
“I’m sorry I let “It” get to me” I prayed out loud, “But, you know Father, “It’s” got a point. My life is utterly ordinary, I’ve never done anything important.
But before I could continue, before I could get on a roll about my lack of success, a memory vivid and as clear as if I was watching a movie, played out in my mind. It was a story that a very wise elderly pastor once told me:
As a young pastor of a growing church I always felt like a failure. I didn’t see the people I was effecting for the kingdom of God, instead I focused on my inability to reach more people. One day in my prayer time, I was telling God about all my mistakes and shortcomings. After I finished, I heard God say loud and clear:
I have not called you to be Billy Graham. I have called you to be Peter Lord. Be faithful to your own calling-do everything you do to my glory.
Do everything you do to my glory…
That was four weeks ago, since then my enemy has made several efforts to launch that same old battle.
I don’t argue, I just say out loud:
I’m doing everything I do to the glory of God.
Surprisingly my friends…that’s become my secret weapon.
Do you find yourself fighting the same battle over and over? If so, do you have something that helps?
Sending you love my friends and a prayer for those of you fighting a battle today