I’ve never done A Week In The Life…I’ve been asked to do one, by my bud, Vicky, but I thought my life was boring and no one would be interested and that Vic was just being sweet.
But this is more like a PSA (Public Service Announcement )Peeps…A Week in the Life of a Crazy Woman.
This weeks posts are about my current “condition”. You know the condition. I’m a forty-eight year old woman whose hormones are at war with her mind, soul and body. One of us won’t come out of this alive. It’s me or the hormones since we apparently can not live in harmony any longer. Today, if I were you, I’d put my money on the hormones.
This week is also is also about my current weight gain. I’ve gained 14 lbs. of blog-baking-weight since May! Yea, I have an insane love for baking and this happens to me sometimes, usually not quite so much and usually during the holidays. Holy cannoli, not this time. It’s September not January . If I don’t do something now I’ll be in trouble by New Year’s Eve! (Disclaimer: I don’t think I’m fat. But my clothes are too tight so something’s gotta give. New clothes? Lose weight?)
So, I decided to try Weight Watchers Online. I read about it on Rachel’s wonderful blog, The REAL Rachel Rowell. (Thank you Rachel!)
The Husband and I did it together because I forced him to. I wasn’t going this alone.
I stepped nimbly on the scales this first day and then while sobbing I measured all my parts. Weight Watchers is sadistic like that, making you weigh AND measure your parts! Then your online “helper” calculates how many “points” you get per day.
Points. That’s the way Weight Watcher’s does it you know. Points. (Like a small chicken breast is 5 points, a small apple is 1 point, my coffee creamer is 2 points per cup!)
The nifty online Tool, yes I know I capitalized Tool. I’ve named the online “helper” and his name is: Tool.
Anyhoo, Tool said The Husband gets 35 points a day, do you know how many points I get? Brace yourself people…I get 18. EIGHTEEN ! Know why I get so few? Because I’m a woman and I’m 48 and it’s medically proven that a woman’s body just holds onto fat cells for dear life.
This only gets worse the older we get you know. I figure by the time I’m 65 I’ll get to eat an apple and a pear all day long while needing to exercise for 3 straight hours just to maintain my weight. All the while The Husband will be chowing down on cake and Mexican food while everyone says, “Why Husband, you’re looking emaciated is that chubby woman eating all the food before you get any?”
This proves that God is a man by the way.
And that’s all I have to say about Day 1.
2nd Day
I got up this morning and looked at myself in the mirror. I sighed heavy. “Holy crap, I hoped I’d look thinner“. I’m not kidding that’s what I thought.
I’m getting the drift that it may have been a bad week to start Weight Watchers. During the night, I keep waking up right before I spontaneously combust, lying in a puddle of sweat. Even after changing my Pa-Jay-Jays and turning the air conditioner down to 67* once and 66* the next time,I still can’t sleep. I lay awake for at least 3 hours and think about food. I’ve never before in my life eaten in the middle of the night. But for some reason, I want to now. I tell myself that “points” surely don’t count if they are consumed in the dead of night.
My hormones are raging, going down in a fit and I decided to turn over a new leaf with Weight Watcher’s. This is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done. I need some Oatmeal cookies. And a cake.
To be continued…come bake, I mean back tomorrow to check on me it’s Day 3 and we’ll answer the question: What do the 7 Dwarfs have to do with it?
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I so needed that laugh – it was hearty, long, and I am sure worth at least a few calories. 🙂
It’s never a bad week to start Weight Watchers (although I recognize you said that a bit tongue-in-cheek). Check out my story on my blog. I’ve been a member (online and meetings) since March 2008. I know all about not getting very many points now. I only get 20 and soon will be where you are. But you get the 35 weekly points plus activity points as well. I love their new Momentum program because it teaches you all about filling foods so you are not hungry.
I’m glad they are suggesting people measure themselves when they start. It’s a painful thing to do, especially when people have 30, 75, 125 pounds to lose, but down the line, it’s so worthwhile when you can see the bodily change in inches.
Good luck to you! And yes, men do have it easier – they always lose faster. I’ve watched plenty come to meetings and it seems to just evaporate off their bodies.
.-= Claire´s last blog ..A funny thing happened on the way to Nordstrom’s =-.
You are sooooo funny. Can we have coffee this week (sounds like no creamer coffee)?
Yea girl I feel you I have done the weight watchers thing and Menopause too. It took me three weeks before I even lost like 2-3 pounds. That was walking everyday 2 and a half miles and sticking strick to my 18 points as well. After about 4-5 months I finally lost 18 pounds of which 10 of them are already back and I gained those back in get this 3 WEEKS!!!! What is all that about!!!! I hear you I think the hormones are going to win for sure!!!! Love you!!
I love his post! Soooooooooooo funny. It’s hard to write funny but you’ve nailed it, my friend. Funny and real life mixed together makes for great writing.
I so feel you pain. As I sit here fanning myself from yet another flash and drinking a cup of black coffee, it all hardly seems fair that men don’t have to experience any of this. Seriously! What’s up with that??? People who think God doesn’t have a sense of humor, haven’t spent much time with Him. Blessings, SusanD
.-= SusanD´s last blog ..Monday Musing – Don’t Send a Man to the Grocery Store =-.
I could have written this post- word for word- except I’m 45, but I honestly think we are sharing a brain- and some hormones.
Good luck with your venture- I need to be following- I KNOW I’be gained more weight than you recently (I don’t own a scales) but none of my clothes fit. Not even my panties!
This was a well written post- I enjoyed reading this morning.
.-= sherri´s last blog ..Autumn Perspective =-.
Sherri…that was my wake up call…the panties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Robin.
This is hysterical. Thanks so much for starting my day with a good, hearty laugh.
.-= Jean Fischer´s last blog ..The Butterfly Tree — Monarch Migration =-.
You will be fine, you just have to let your body adjust. I have lived on 18 points for 2 years now. I am a Weight Watchers Lifetimer… it works, but you have to let it work for you. Keep some healthy snacks around, you will get used to it… I promise.
Debbie~ The 1st week was rough and I was a bit hard on WW … but it gets better. I’m taking your advice, I love the idea of letting it work for you. Thx for the encouragement!
I just knew you had it in you! I just didn’t know how funny it would be! Love to see your sense of humor especially in regards to such a, well less than humorous topic. Great graphics choices too! Super-duper funny! Tool… ha!
I asked you for a week in the life series, because I have loved being at home. And I am surrounded by working women who tell me how boring it would be to stay at home now with the kids in school. But you have turned homemaking into an artform and I don’t see you as bored! So I was curious about what your days look like 🙂 Who knew they were so stinkin hilarious!
.-= Vicky´s last blog ..Are you a Daddy’s girl? =-.
Vicky…everyone always asks me: so what do you DO with yourself now that you’re an empty nester?
I feel like a free loading, bon bon eating, soap-opera watching slug. But truth is…I’M NEVER EVER EVER EVER BORED!
As Gramma used to say: “Only the unintelligent get bored!” Hugs
You are always good for a morning laugh aren’t you?! you crack me up!!
I’m right there with you (but at 44) WHO KNEW BLOGGING WAS SO FATTENING! you’re a braver woman than I am! – I’m afraid to get on the scale! LOL But I need to do something – and FAST!!
I tried WW online about 2 years ago, I became SO obsessed with those damn points/numbers – seriously you would open my pantry and every box and can had a big black number on it (I marked points value on them) – it’s ALL I thought about ALL day – how many points I had, how many points everything was worth, how many points I had left…….and how many ZERO point items I could eat so I felt like I was eating! LOL
I finally quit, I couldn’t stand all the point counting – and just did it on my own – after a month or so on WW, you can get a feel for what you should be eating – it worked for me…took 8 months to lose 20 pounds, but I lost it!! and now I sit here 2 years later with ALL of it back on! ugh!!
Sorry to ramble………….
~TidyMom
.-= TidyMom´s last blog ..Gallery Wrap Canvas & Giveaway! =-.
Tidy Mom…Makes me feel so much better when you say blogging is fattening!!!!! It’s TRUE! I’ve never gained so quickly as I did this time though and it scared my wooden spoon right out of my hot little hand! Love it when you ramble btw!
I saw your blog post title on Without Wax and had to pop in…I could have written this (well, except for the weight watchers bit-haven’t gone there yet but I think about it-does that count?) Plus I’m only 48 until Friday when my birthday occurs.
Just last night I threw off the pjs and shouted ‘Is it hot in here???!!!’ Husband pulled the two blankets back over his head. Men get such a break in the hormone department!
I’ve always had a super high metabolism and it has come to a screeching halt. My husband has always had a super high metabolism and still does. No fair. And I’m always starving. I sometimes wonder if I have a tapeworm : )
I’m going to check back in and see how it goes for you. Good luck with the WW!
.-= joyce´s last blog ..There was Plenty of Scope for the Imagination =-.
Great post! I too have decided to bite the bullet and start exercising and eating healthy………..I’m post menopausal and I know this is going to be difficult…………..Jo
.-= Jo´s last blog ..A Garden Question………… =-.
Jo : Gooooood Luck ! Prayers as you start your journey to health!
Thank you so much for making me laugh out loud this morning!!! I really needed that. I can relate to all of it, thank you so much for sharing!
You are so funny. I need to do this. I did go walking today. I have been in menapause for almost 5 years now. I am getting tired of it. I am either hot or wet and freezing. It gets old. I sleep with a fan and lots of covers for when I freeze after a hot flash. I am trying to do this with no meds.
.-= valerie´s last blog ..Granny Overwhelmed? =-.
Oh well, …..guessing we are not going to go anywhere really good for lunch…. anytime soon…. I have even stopped drinking my cherished wine during the week…. trying to cut calories in every possible place…….God Bless Us All.
I have been reading your blogs for awhile now and I have to say this is a very inspiring one I laughed so hard I nearly fell off my chair.
I sent this to my hubby and to my oldest daughter who is getting married in a few weeks. I am constantly asking them if it is hot or if it is just me. Finally I realised it is menopause knocking at my door. I am only 44 and had UFE which has sent me into a premature menopause.
I can relate to this so well and I had such a good hearty laugh thank you for always putting a smile on my face after a long day.
June~It’s so nice to meet you! Happy wedding! Being Mother-of the-Bride is no small task! Enjoy!
Can’t wait to hear more from you!
Hugs~
Catching up on blog land and this is cracking me up! My panties are tight too and I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one using so much creamer. I did WW a couple of years ago and decided not to count my coffee points – it’s the only thing that helped me make it through the rest of the day.
.-= Vanessa´s last blog ..The funny things he says =-.
Dear Itty,
If you get 18 points in Weight Watchers that means you are already ITTY BITTY! We big-boned girls get 25 points.
Keep up the good work!
C
Celesta, no one has ever called me Itty…I love you forever.
Oh my gosh, Robin… I’ve SO missed you. This is so freaking funny. I mean, not funny in real life, but written funny 🙂
.-= gitz´s last blog ..All The Mom’s Collectively Say: “Wow.” =-.
I laughed SO hard at your days 1-3! I haven’t laughed like that in such a long time–I can’t REMEMBER when…
THANK YOU for making me laugh at these horrible symptoms that have been making me so miserable and so doubtful of my sanity for SO long!!
You have inspired me to try to stop taking my “condition” so seriously:)