I’ve never done A Week In The Life…I’ve been asked to do one, by my bud, Vicky, but I thought my life was boring and no one would be interested and that Vic was just being sweet.
But this is more like a PSA (Public Service Announcement )Peeps…A Week in the Life of a Crazy Woman.
This weeks posts are about my current “condition”. You know the condition. I’m a forty-eight year old woman whose hormones are at war with her mind, soul and body. One of us won’t come out of this alive. It’s me or the hormones since we apparently can not live in harmony any longer. Today, if I were you, I’d put my money on the hormones.
This week is also is also about my current weight gain. I’ve gained 14 lbs. of blog-baking-weight since May! Yea, I have an insane love for baking and this happens to me sometimes, usually not quite so much and usually during the holidays. Holy cannoli, not this time. It’s September not January . If I don’t do something now I’ll be in trouble by New Year’s Eve! (Disclaimer: I don’t think I’m fat. But my clothes are too tight so something’s gotta give. New clothes? Lose weight?)
So, I decided to try Weight Watchers Online. I read about it on Rachel’s wonderful blog, The REAL Rachel Rowell. (Thank you Rachel!)
The Husband and I did it together because I forced him to. I wasn’t going this alone.
I stepped nimbly on the scales this first day and then while sobbing I measured all my parts. Weight Watchers is sadistic like that, making you weigh AND measure your parts! Then your online “helper” calculates how many “points” you get per day.
Points. That’s the way Weight Watcher’s does it you know. Points. (Like a small chicken breast is 5 points, a small apple is 1 point, my coffee creamer is 2 points per cup!)
The nifty online Tool, yes I know I capitalized Tool. I’ve named the online “helper” and his name is: Tool.
Anyhoo, Tool said The Husband gets 35 points a day, do you know how many points I get? Brace yourself people…I get 18. EIGHTEEN ! Know why I get so few? Because I’m a woman and I’m 48 and it’s medically proven that a woman’s body just holds onto fat cells for dear life.
This only gets worse the older we get you know. I figure by the time I’m 65 I’ll get to eat an apple and a pear all day long while needing to exercise for 3 straight hours just to maintain my weight. All the while The Husband will be chowing down on cake and Mexican food while everyone says, “Why Husband, you’re looking emaciated is that chubby woman eating all the food before you get any?”
This proves that God is a man by the way.
And that’s all I have to say about Day 1.
I got up this morning and looked at myself in the mirror. I sighed heavy. “Holy crap, I hoped I’d look thinner“. I’m not kidding that’s what I thought.
I’m getting the drift that it may have been a bad week to start Weight Watchers. During the night, I keep waking up right before I spontaneously combust, lying in a puddle of sweat. Even after changing my Pa-Jay-Jays and turning the air conditioner down to 67* once and 66* the next time,I still can’t sleep. I lay awake for at least 3 hours and think about food. I’ve never before in my life eaten in the middle of the night. But for some reason, I want to now. I tell myself that “points” surely don’t count if they are consumed in the dead of night.
My hormones are raging, going down in a fit and I decided to turn over a new leaf with Weight Watcher’s. This is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done. I need some Oatmeal cookies. And a cake.
To be continued…come bake, I mean back tomorrow to check on me it’s Day 3 and we’ll answer the question: What do the 7 Dwarfs have to do with it?