I have rushed my entire life. Feeling just on the wrong side of getting-ahead. I used to think it was having four little ones so close together, first the homeschooling and later their outside activities that put me in perpetual rush-mode. But now those four little ones have grown up and left the nest and five days out of seven I still feel tightness in my chest before 10:00 in the morning. Panic rises and with it a wave of I’m behind…I should have gotten more done by now!
I see now, the “rush”wasn’t caused by my circumstances, the “rush” is in me. There are only two sure-things that quiet that demanding task-master and bring the blur that is my life into sharp focus. Their name’s are Ellie and Lucy, my granddaughters.
I was having my weekly Wednesday with 22 month old Ellie the other day, a time for just she and I. We were in the floor playing, as we usually are when we’re together. It was the kitchen floor. No rug just the cold hard vinyl strewn with pots and pans and wooden spoons. There was lots of noise, because as Ellie’s dad says: “Gigi and Elliot relate to each other in a very loud way…” Banging of spoons on pans, shrieks of delight when she fed me the soup she’d “made”…“Ellie I CAN’T BELIEVE how GOOD this is! Let’s make some cookies!”
While I was pulling over a cookie sheet for our pretend cookies, Ellie came up from behind and laid her head on my shoulder. Reaching her little arms around me she patted my arm…“we’re friends Gigi, we’re friends”
You’ve heard it said that “time stood still”, well, on this day it did. Time completely stopped and quiet like a warm quilt blanketed the room. There was no movement at all except Ellie’s tiny hand still patting my arm. From a very deep place in me, a sob escaped.
I believe at that moment, that sacred moment, I was completely present and overwhelmed with love. Love for my tiny girl and love for my Creator, the giver of moments. And for a short time every fiber of my being worshiped God.
The moment will stay with me. I’ve told the story as grandmothers often do, but mostly I keep it hidden away, deep in my heart . I take it out now and then and run my minds eye over it’s smooth surface. There is something bigger here for me. Something powerful. A sacred moment. A treasure. A gift.
Life is full of these moments, I miss so many because of that task-master always rushing me onto the next thing.
Lord help me today…to slow my pace. To see the sacred in my moments …
This happened a few weeks ago. Now, I’m reading Ann Voskamp’s new book, One Thousand Gifts and she’s helping me see the: “something bigger” that God may have been trying to show me…I highly recommend this book my friends…