I’m linking today to Beautiful Life over at Inspired Rooms…because a beautiful life doesn’t always have to be a happy…
I spent the day with one of my favorite blog-now in-person peeps on Monday. There were four of us there and after a bit of chatting the conversation got a little deeper. A little more “real”. All of us coming from different places and all of us dealing with little things…or maybe even big things. At one point I think I laughed out loud as it occurred to me that sometimes in the Wonderful World of Blog everything is great…beautiful…fun…exciting…happy!!! But it’s not always that way is it?
I can’t tell you how many unpublished drafts I have that were uncomfortable for me to write and I thought too uncomfortable for someone to read. I love dropping in on beautiful blog homes and coming away inspired. I so want encourage any Sweet One that visits All Things Heart and Home. But I have to confess Peeps…sometimes I’m not as real as I’d like to be. Like now. For the past 32 days (who’s counting!?) I’ve been on a very difficult journey. I’ve done some yelling. Some crying. Some shutting down. But I didn’t want to be a downer to all of you so I put on my “everything is great” face everyday. My sweet new friends helped me remember that life is not always perfect and that’s okay. Now I promise I’m not going to start being a downer but occasionally I’m going to tell you when things are tough for me. And right now, things are tough.
(If If you’re in a bit of a battle right now I’d love for you to leave a comment with a prayer request, even if it’s unspoken. I strongly believe that pain has a purpose. And sometimes it’s necessary…I know, this isn’t a popular belief. Anyhoo, it would be my honor to pray for you specifically if you choose to leave a comment. If you’re in a happy place YAY!!! I love it when I’m in a happy place. Relish every moment and send up a prayer for someone who’s hurting…
Here’s a draft I wrote about 3 weeks ago, I really didn’t plan on publishing it but it’s my heart right now and this little corner of the blog world is called All Things Heart and Home…
Sometimes I feel a tremor in my universe. Perhaps a redirection. Maybe a tiny truth I’ve been missing. Something…what is it? Just outside of my grasp…and I stop, drop and role…so to speak.
Emotionally, physically and mentally everything grinds to a halt. (Heck, let’s throw in spiritually too.) Right after the “tremor” I can see it rolling in, there in the distance and before I know it I’m under a blanket of …something. I shut down and I freeze. Or maybe just go into slow (deliberate) motion…
It rolled in last week. Something or the other came out of left field…not true, it came from inside, anyhoo, it’s familiar for me so I did what I always do… I started to batten down the hatches.
Here’s how that looks (for me)…I turn off the television and the radio and let the quiet of the house seep into me for hours at a time. I don’t talk. It’s probably a good thing The Husband is really tired when he gets home…
I go one day without eating anything, sipping lemon water and loving the feeling of being empty inside. I think more clearly sometimes without thoughts of food.
Then one day I bake. Cookies this particular day. And I let myself be comforted by the step by step instructions. I feel more ordered when I add the flour into the buttery sugary mixture. I’m utterly mesmerized by the simple action of folding semi sweet chunks of chocolate into thick caramel colored dough.
I read…read and read and read. Reading is my escape. My mental visit into someone else’s life. Sometimes I get answers there…right in the middle of a good story. Right in the middle of someone else’s life…God speaks to me that way on occasion…but don’t fret…
I also take time with God. Ask questions and try to listen. I journal. Read my Bible.
And, I exercise. All by myself at the gym, without looking anyone else in the eye I expend all the energy I have. I sweat a lot and tire my muscles until they shake when I lift the water bottle to drink. Then I come home and shower and pile the pups into the bed smack in the middle of the day and take a nap.
And sometimes I cry. Just a good long sobbing cry.
And each day I wake and hope the fog will be gone. But as of the time I’m writing this, it still weighs heavy on me. I’ve always had these times and although it’s not always been this way, I’m fortunate now, that I have the luxury of downtime. To be able to pause. Without having to go to work or taxi little ones around. I always come away from these time-outs with something I needed to begin with.
It is what it is, oh how everyone loves to say this…but it’s true.
It is what it is.
I know from experience that “what it is” will pass. Burn off, like thick, heavy early morning fog leaving me with fresh vision and pristine crystal clear focus. But for now it’s foggy in my world and I’m low on energy and motivation…say a prayer for me if you think of it…that the fog will clear.
Love to you today Peeps.