(Warning if you aren’t an animal person this post may cause you to get your eyeballs stuck in the back of your head due to excessive eye rolling…don’t say you weren’t warned.)
I haven’t talked about Reba lately. That’s on purpose. Anyone who’s hung out with me here knows that Reba is the stray-feral cat that adopted us last November. I wrote about Reba lots…check out some of the past posts here.
Reba, if you remember, had kittens in May. Two of them. (Here are a few pictures) One of my sweet readers warned me not to name them, knowing I’d have to give them up(The Husband has asthma and is allergic to cats) and getting attached would make it so much harder. Boy was she right. Magnolia and Savannah were names I gave them. And I fell in love with them. The vet told me I had to bring Reba into the garage along with the kittens to keep everyone safe until they were ten weeks old. We did. Reba especially did not appreciate this. She’s a wild cat and never been “contained”. I spent hours downstairs with the three of them making sure the kittens were socialized and Reba was adjusting. Always it was bitter-sweet knowing the time was coming when they’d have to go.
After weeks of watching the kittens grow it was time. The Husband took the kittens to the shelter two Saturday’s ago. You’d think I was giving up my own children. Reba and I had a terrible weekend.
Then, per the vet, we waited a week before taking Reba to be spayed. For eight days I went down and sat with Reba three or four times a day. She was in such distress without her kittens. Her nipples were hard and I knew she had mastitis. I fed her tuna and all manner of smelly treats. I played with her. I sat in the floor while she lay right next to me, touching my leg, but never in my lap. I let her take my hands in her paws and knead them, she tries to be gentle but I have scratches all over my hands from those little shows of affection. But I don’t care. To be honest that week (last week) was a particularly hard week for me anyway, so Reba and I sat in the floor and cried a lot. Her, for her kittens and me for … well for whatever reasons.
This morning was the morning I had to catch Reba in a carrier and take her to be spayed. I went downstairs earlier than usual. She met me at the door excited and talking up a storm. I’ve had a big carrier in the garage with her for days. The door to the carrier is open and I’ve been putting bits of tuna inside. She goes right in and nibbles with no concern of being locked up. This morning I went and pretended to put something in the dish inside the carrier. She purred as if to thank me and marched right in. Like usual. Except this time I closed the door and locked her in.
I can not adequately describe for you the look that little thing gave me. It was a mix of hurt, shock, terror, betrayal.
It broke my heart. I started to sob, telling her I was sorry. “I had to do it. It’s for your own good. It’ll be much better soon.”
She didn’t even make a sound. She just looked at me, right in the eyes.
All the way to the vet I cried. I cried for Reba and for the fact that I couldn’t explain to her what was happening. I cried because I’d worked so hard to get this wild cat to trust me and now maybe I’d ruined that trust… And I cried because it was a God moment. I knew God was showing me something about how He feels when I’m confused and hurt or terrified or betrayed by something He’s allowed in my life. Like now.
So this is the God- lesson Reba taught me today. I’m still crying. She’s downstairs still locked in the carrier very drowsy on pain meds. I’ve been with her lots since I picked her up and I’m going back now. She’s helpless and confused. She needs me. I know how she feels.
Love and prayers for each one of you today.
{{Hugs}} I’m so sorry you have had to make all of these hard decisions. I’m defenitally not an eye roller about cats. When I neutered my cat. Before I had kids and all. He was my little child 😉 I visited him everyday at the vet! For 2 or 3 days on my lunch breaks. Felt sick leaving him there all alone and hurting. The vet might have even rolled her eyes…lol. I think I was a first for that many visits. I’m sure she will trust you again.
Amber, I got to bring Reba home just a couple of hours after surgery…(I used a discount spay-neuter program that are used to feral cats) This morning she’s doing much better…so loving towards me. You’re right I think she’s trusting me. Hugs.
Stray, feral Reba is going to reveal a magnificent and unexpected truth. I know you’re close —really close to discovering it. I wish I knew what your surprise is. I only know it’s coming. I’ve been praying. I remembered it was surgery time.
You know I’ll be printing this up for MaBWA. Don’t be surprised if she shows up at your door with a kitty get well package.
My love to you.
Okay n0w I am crying. I am so so sorry that you are going through a gray time. However, I am thankful for your openness and honestly. That has helped so many of your readers. Not only have you lovingly taken care of Reba, you have taken care of many that you do not know about.
~grins~ and we still love and trust you just like Reba does.
.-= Mindy´s last blog .. =-.
Oh dear Lord, I am crying now thnking of the day we had to take our beloved dog of 17 1/2 years to be put down. I know EXACTLY what you mean about thise trusting eyes. I carried her and she looked at me with utter trust and love and had no idea what was to happen. But again, it was for her, she had had a good long life and it wasn’t good anymore. The vet had spoken to me on the phone that day for an entire hour calming and reassuring me that it was the right thing to do. My husband and I cried for 2 days. I love your blog and your honesty. It IS helping MANY out here. Fell my hugs through these lines, Pinky
Pinky…oh hugs. that’s all…love to you
sorry, I meant “those trusting eyes”….and……Feel my hugs……
There’s a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time
In the absence of martyrs there’s a presence of thieves
Who only want to rob you blind
They steal away any sense of peace
Though I’m a king I’m a king on my knees
And I know they are wrong when they say I am strong
As the darkness covers me
Chorus-
So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid
To let Your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Oh I… am, I…
From “Martyrs and Thieves,” by Jennifer Knapp
Thank you so very much for these lyrics…I tried to email you but it bounced back. Just wanted to say thank you for your prayers…sending love~
God knew she was going to need you, and you were going to need her too. You are not alone in your fog.
You’ve been so brave to take this on in such a loving and gentle manner. I am reading “To Dance With the White Dog” and I sense you as I am reading and pray for you and will pray for Reba as well . I’ll share with you my own experience with very bad mastitis sometime. The antibiotics didn’t get all of it and I developed a nasty abscess and had to have surgery. So please watch her carefully! Hugs to you Robin and much love!
.-= Vicky´s last blog ..The Swimming Lesson. =-.
Oh Robin! I don’t know what to say…you were on my mind all day yesterday. Poor little Reba. I believe she will continue to learn that you are trustworthy, because you are. Truth has a way of showing itself. I look forward to learning more as you learn from God and from Reba. You are in my prayers, always.
.-= Anita´s last blog ..Blister Fixer =-.
Oh, now I am crying! What a special moment and life lesson you were taught today!
Hugs to you!!!
.-= Tippa´s last blog ..The decision… =-.
Hey Robin….we need to catch up and spend some time together…..you are breaking my heart…..I am sorry it hurts to grow and learn new stuff….for all of us….we cannot lose our hope….XOXO
I’m new here…and sorry your hurting, for you and for Reba.
It’s a blessing to me to see people SEE the lessons in things. I cry for you…and pray for you.
:)Lisa
kssnnikkel.blogspot.com
.-= Lisa Taylor´s last blog ..I CAN BE FRUGAL! …and a small giveaway. =-.
Oh my I can’t even read the comments, they are making me cry to..
I remember leaving my cats 5 kittens at the pet store to be sold years ago…I was not home 10 minutes when I went back and took back one of them to keep…
I love your Reba…I am sure, sure, sure that if you take her out of the carrier before she wakes up alot…and give her tuna for a few days she will not remember the cage at all…just leave it there as if it was always there…as if she never left home…just and idea that might work…
I REALLY NEEDED THE GOD LESSON.THANK YOU