I have an aversion to saying God is good.
There was a time in my life, when God answered my prayers exactly as I asked, you would hear me say it loudly:
“God is good”.
Even though on the inside I heard Someone whisper: What if I hadn’t answered your prayer like you wanted. Then am I not good?
I let go of my expectations behind that phrase little by little, through my younger brother’s cancer, our own financial devastation, my mother’s death and Stephanie’s first labor and delivery.
When Steph was pregnant the first time, she developed a dangerous condition called HELLP Syndrome. She had to deliver a month early and she was very sick and it scared me half to death. The whole process wasn’t at all what we’d prayed for, although in the end, everyone was just fine.
Last week when Stephie went into labor with her second baby, she was trying for a VBAC. (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean)
Women do this all the time but there are lots of risks involved.
After being in labor for the better part of the day and being in extreme pain for four hours, Stephanie’s body still wasn’t progressing towards delivery at all.
I stood at the foot of her bed and looked at my exhausted daughter. Eyes full of tears between contractions, she asked me what I thought she should do.
“Should I just go ahead and let Dr. B do the C Section? I’m not getting anywhere and my nurse just told me about a VBAC patient of hers that was a nightmare.”
The nurse had given Stephanie gory details that would have scared any woman straight into the O.R. for a C Section.
In my mind, conflicting theologies screamed for attention:
“Fear isn’t from God, rebuke the enemy and keep going. God didn’t bring her this far to let her fail.”
“Or maybe God sent that nurse to tell the story so Stephanie would go ahead and give the okay on the C Section. There are no accidents, perhaps this is simply part of God’s leading. “
Years of my differing theologies boiled down to this moment. My vulnerable daughter was asking me what I thought about continuing in a direction that could put her and the baby at risk, and none of the Christianese I’d so often spouted off felt appropriate.
In a split second, almost without realizing what I was doing, I walked over to the side of her bed and got on my knees, took her trembling hand in mine and whispered a prayer:
“We don’t know what to do. You know what we want but now we’re asking you what you want. Please give Jon, Stephanie and Dr. B clear direction We trust you.”
I stood up glad that the nurse hadn’t walked in while I was on the floor and hoped God would give direction quickly because I was empty of answers.
Within minutes Stephanie’s doctor came in and took control. Although it had only been an hour and a half since Stephanie’s last check, the doctor checked again and I’m not kidding you, that doctor let out a near-scream:
In the short hour and a half since the last check, Stephanie was now completely dilated and ready to give birth without a C Section.
I’m still counting gifts…
1000- What we prayed for is exactly what God had in mind.
He’s good either way, but it’s bliss when it works out just the way we asked~
~Love to you my friends~