My “word” for 2010 is: friendship. I wrote about it HERE, about why I wasn’t happy with that particular “word”.
I’m not very good at friendships.
But the word wouldn’t leave me alone and I’m pretty sure that in 2010 I’m going to learn some things about friendship that I didn’t know before. My goal is to write at least once a month about the things I think I’m learning. I want to be able to look back and remember. To make sure I listened along the way…
These are my thoughts from January…
There are friends from as far back as High School that I have reconnected with in the past two years, thanks to facebook. This has been a wonder. When you don’t see someone for over thirty years and then reconnect, even if just online, there’s an element of coming face to face with your own journey. Here’s what I mean…
It’s not every day that I look in the mirror and think about how much hope and enthusiasm I had when I was 18. How I was certain about what my future would hold. I don’t often see the past thirty-something years in a split screen: “The girl so sure of what she knew” on one side and “The woman not sure of anything” on the other.
But reconnecting with so many precious souls from thirty years ago gave me that experience over and over again. With myself and with each of them.
Life always seems to dish out things that wear away the self confidence and naive hope of youth.
I mean, who stands in front of a minister in a white dress and thinks that in 6 short years she’ll end up divorced?
Who spends time with their siblings and thinks…one of us will leave this world before our 31st birthday?
Who at 23 innocently takes her first sip of champagne and sets off a time bomb of addiction that will beat her to a bloody pulp on and off for over 20 years?
I could go on and on…these are things from my own journey. But everyone has been through heartaches and shattered dreams. And pain, in whatever form, tends to change us.
As months went by I learned a little more about my old friends. There were glimpses into where they are in life, what makes them laugh and in some cases, what makes them cry.
And as I got to know them again, I began to see the tender colors of their younger selves. And the colors were never more vibrant as in contrast with the shadows of years come and gone.
Their beautiful journeys have helped me see my own journey very differently.
There’s a 30-plus reunion with several graduating classes from my high school coming up this summer. I’m so looking forward to it for completely different reasons than I did our 10 year reunion. I think I went with “me” in mind that time. I wanted mostly to say: “I’m okay. I’m good. Life is working out for me.”
This time it’s different. This time I’m looking forward to seeing my old friends.
Friends with whom, a very long time ago, I shared a bit of life’s journey.
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Okay, so it’s not like I turned over a new leaf in January and became “friend of the year”. For some of you who are good at friendships this is like Friendship Kindergarten! But that’s what I took away from the first tender month of 2010!
Any thoughts or advice from you who are experts ?
hugs,
What an interesting post about friendship. I’ve never attended a class reunion but I hope one day our class has another gathering as I hope to attend (our class has been really bad about planning reunions)! It is interesting how each of us approach life differently as we age. Friendships have always been a very important part of my life and it makes me happy that my circle of friends mark so many stages of my life – jr. high, college, teaching school, work, etc. I’ve always felt that my circle of friends helped me polish facets of my own life and these relationships help me be radiant – like a precious stone. I wouldn’t be the same person without them.
.-= Jojo´s last blog ..Getting Ready for Valentine’s Day =-.
It is interesting to read your post because I was thinking about friendship more in the last time ( perhaps due to my 40. birthday) Sometimes in the last years I had the feeling that I dont have much friends. The ones i have, i know them since kindergarten, high school or my nursing studies. We all went different ways, even seeing each other hardly in certain times but we ALWAYS were in regularly contact. So now they are a part of me, knowing everything that happened in my life and therefore are a great support and very important to me because now after all these years I know they are here and will be here and support me ( and me to them witch is good to know too) So I guess it is not the amount of friends that counts but the connection you have with them.
.-= Sandra´s last blog ..Each and every year it`s the same =-.
Sandra…love this: “it’s not the amount of friends that counts but the connection you have with them…” that speaks volumes to me.
Jojo, beautiful thoughts.
Thanks friend, as my daughter graduates this year and I struggle with her view of the world you are helping me. 30 years ago I was driven to find out who I was(as is my daughter). I tried to define who I was through the eyes of everyone else. Exhausted at the end of many ropes and with ladders climbed against the wrong walls I have found that God is using all of those experiences to help me see who I am in His eyes and how He can use me to help others. The wisdom, the scars and the honesty from 30 years can bring so much more we can share to friendships. Some real joy. Thanks for sharing your heart with us. You are a lot better at at friendships than you think!
Tom, thank you for sharing a bit of your courage with me when I was in short supply.
What a beautiful and well said post. We never know what path our lives will take but we all know God is our leader. Your writing is wonderful – it always makes me take a minute and do some deep thinking and soul searching.
This is my favorite quote about friends…It is by Marilyn Meberg.
“I love the fact that God is a God who encourages relationships not just with Himself, but with each other. I ‘m thoroughly convinced that God loves us, encourages us, nurtures us, and supports us through other human beings.”
I have it on my refrigerator and when someone just pops in my mind and I think about what is going on in their life…I believe that God has put that person on my mind for a reason…It is a prompt from the Holy Spirit to pray for that person or meet some other need…The struggle is just keeping myself open to that and not letting my “stuff” get in the way–
.-= Jennifer Clause´s last blog ..BE A MISSIONARY AT HOME! =-.
Jennifer is that quote on your blog? I’ve seen it somewhere recently and it pierced my heart. In a good and very painful way. Love to you girl. Praying for u
No advice . . . I am also on my own friendship journey this year.
I have set the goal to extend my base of friendship into a wider circle.
My husband and I have moved often 8 different places in 21 years.
We have many close friends from various areas/ and times of our lives that we stay in contact with. But this last move, now 5 years in one place, has been
the hardest for me to establish true friends. I am really going outside my comfort zone this year to enter act with more people on a weekly basis.
Jeanne…Your moving has to make the difference, I’m so impressed that you’re willing to make an effort one more time. Hugs.
I know I keep saying, “Now, THIS is my favorite post.” For now, this one is number one. Tomorrow, it’ll probably be whatever you write then. This is full of so much good stuff. Love, love your honesty. Your insight. Your depth. And your rose petals!
Beautiful, Friend Robin.
Jewles…you like this post because you love honesty. That’s one of the reasons I love you so.
Wonderful wonderful post, Robin. I always enjoy reading your thoughts.
.-= Shannon´s last blog ..california trip update =-.
Robin…I too have reconnected with old friends from Facebook. My husband and I have gotten together with friends I hadn’t seen in 40 years…one who lives very near us with others not far way. We had dinner a few weeks ago with friends that were in our old neighborhood and were very instumental in our early Christian life…30 years ago. It has been a lot of fun and I think it helps keep us young. I feel much more kinship with old friends. Being a good friend is hard work…but certainly worth it. Thanks for a great post!
Thank you, Robin, for another inspiring and insightful post. Your words aren’t in the class of Friendship Kindergarten. They are wise words that all of us can learn from. I’m looking forward to reading more about your journey.
.-= Jean Fischer´s last blog ..Are You Shaping History, Or Is History Shaping You? =-.
We have moved a lot in the last 16 years. We now live out in the country on a farm in far northern California. People here tend to keep to themselves. My family and friends all live in Connecticut. It has been hard for me to make new friends here. We have many acquaintances just not close friends. I am okay with that for now as we tend to retire soon to another state. It is then that I hope to find people I can call friends not just merely acquaintances.
I like Facebook for the fact that it keeps me in touch with my family who live 3000 miles away from me. My best friend from high school and college just reconnected with me on Facebook too. It too got me to thinking about how my life has changed and what I have experienced since I last saw her. We felt like the world was ours back then but I feel that all I have gone though since then has made me grow and become closer to God. And, I can say to her…I have survived and I am a better person for that.
A favorite Irish blessing of mine is this:
“May there always be work for your hands to do, may your purse always hold a coin or two. May the sun always shine on your windowpane, may a rainbow be certain to follow each rain. May the hand of a friend always be near you, may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.”
.-= Eileen´s last blog ..Mosaic Monday – The Blues =-.
Eileen…you left me wondering what state you’ll end up in when you retire 🙂
I agree with you that life, with all the pain can change a person for the better. That Irish blessing is beautiful….may the hand of a friend always be near you…love it. hugs
Robin, you have such a gift with words. They speak to each that read them. Thank you for sharing your heartfelt journey! Making ‘friends’ has never been difficult for me, as I am an open book and Mom said, I talked WAY too much back when (hint: I still do!). But I’ve also learned to slow down and listen. It still amazes me when someone tells me I am ‘sweet’. It’s just not a word I use to describe myself. However, I have found a sweetness in friendship and of being giving of myself to others. Even on those days when it is difficult to do so. I feel better for it afterward. Hugs! I will never forget your touching email and how I feel your Miracle post and my life converged at the same time.
Sherri…I love people like you. For my whole life I’ve wanted to be like that, open and comfortable with people (in person). I think that’s why me connections online are so precious to me, I can love on someone without the weird insecurity. Keep being an open book, the world needs people just like you…Thank you for reminding me about the Miracle post and your beautiful life converging at the same time. That so encourages me. xoxo
Robin, friends are SO important in my life. I have a group of friends from our old neighborhood, we raised our kids together and now they are all grown and have kids of their own but we still stay close and get together about once a month. I also have other groups of friends that I stay close with. My HS friends…well, that continues to be a hard one for me. When I was in HS, I never felt like I “fit in” . I have gone to several reunions, had a great time but STILL always feel like I am the one outside, looking in. They are all terrific women (I went to an all girls HS), but somehow I just don’t have a connection like I would like with many of them. I know God will be there with you on your journey of friendship. I heard something yesterday (having lunch with a FRIEND) and she said something about the “Extravagance of God’s love” ….. I LOVE that!!!! XO, Pinky PS, please consider me a FRIEND:):)
Pinky, I knew you’d be the one with loads of friends! I suspect people are drawn to you, I know I am. I do understand what you mean about being on the outside like you never “fit” in HS. (Others have commented along those lines too) I was my same somewhat introverted self back then so I felt it too. (But I’m told to my complete surprise that I hid it well)
I love the extravagance of God’s love…The Message version of the Bible uses that term often and now that you mentioned it, it’s a beautiful way to love your friends. I’m certain you do that. Love you to pieces.
You are so darn sweet to reply to your comments. Love YOU to pieces too!
all I know is……..I’m glad to call YOU my friend Robin……..and THAT happened in January! ?
Love reading your posts!
.-= TidyMom´s last blog ..{Flat} TidyMom kissed Harry Connick Jr.!!!!! =-.
Cheryl, we did get to be friends in January!!! I think I’m so lucky. Maybe you’re a sign that it’s going to be a good friend-year 🙂 Hugs…
You’re friend of the year in my book. 🙂 Because you love me with your whole heart and you let me love you with all of mine. I’m crazy grateful for that.
.-= gitz´s last blog ..What and How: A Reminder =-.
Gitz…I love you to the moon and back. You are my friend, that’s one thing I know for sure.
Wow, your post brought tears to my eyes. I really identify with you as I have friendship struggles too. And I faced and missed (by choice) my 30 year class reunion last summer. I too have begun reconnecting with “old” friends on facebook and as a result have developed a more hopeful and grown up attitude on friendship. I don’t regret missing my reunion. I am looking forward to creating a reunion of my own with the classmates I’ve been actively and weekly communicating with on facebook. I’m forming friendships that I never thought possible, mainly because in the past, I just didn’t give it a chance. Now that I’m all grown up and have comfortably assumed a “what you see, is what you get” attitude, I have the courage to take a chance and see what happens.
Anyway, thank you for the beautiful post.
Tresa…yes girl, FB is a wonder! I think it’s a wonderful idea to have your own get-together. And I love hearing that you too are forming friendships that you hadn’t before, and that word: “courage” is key I think. xoxo
Robin, its days like this I know why I have always felt so drawn to you since the first time I happy clicked my way over here. Friendship Kindergarten is such a perfect way to describe it and exactly where I am at. Moving back to this area I have had to start again, but am ever mindful I want to build meaningful and long lasting friendships. I could write volumes about my journey with friendships and then someday we could compare notes because I really feel you on this topic 🙂
Such an honor to call you friend!! Love you Robin!
.-= Vicky´s last blog ..Not even the weather could get in the way =-.
Vicky…I would have bet my house that you had a hundred close friends! I would love to hear about your journey with friendships. I’m so blessed to call you friend. I’m ever amazed at how close I feel with my online buds. The connection is real and I count on it…xoxo
Oh my, and then I hit submit and find at the very same time our best bud Gitz has been typing her sweet words … Ummm Hmmm, friends, who also happen to be on the same wavelength… no coincidence, just meant to be.
.-= Vicky´s last blog ..Not even the weather could get in the way =-.
Robin, All I can say right now is that something tonight drew me to your site. I have been so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that I haven’t been keeping up with some of the things I enjoy doing. I was so inspired when I reconnected with you through FB and I even told some of my co-workers about your site. I have been wondering recently why I don’t really have any close friends. I guess in the past I haven’t been a very good one. I dream a lot about what it would be like to have someone to talk to like I did in high school about your dreams, your happy moments and your sad ones. As I sit here almost 50 I have no one I consider a real friend to even connect with. Your writings always inspire me and also bring a tear to my eye. In 2010, I need to remember that I make my destiny and maybe I need to start looking at things differently. My friends now are the ones I read about everyday on FB. I can’t wait to see you at the reunion this year. Keep up writing your thoughts….I really enjoy them. Smiles, Terri T.
Terri thank you for your comment…I pretty much assume that everyone else is great at friendships. All my memories of you from all those years ago are so wonderful, I wish we lived closer, we could work through this together.
Can’t wait to see you too…hugs.
Wow, Robin, this is a wonderful post. I’m going through a tough time with some of my closest friendships right now, which is not something I’m used to. I don’t have loads and loads of friends; I’ve tended to make a few close friends in each place I’ve lived, and then I keep them with me no matter where I move next (I’ve moved a lot for work and school). But something happened this winter that was really devastating to me, and that rocked several of my closest friendships. I’m not sure where we’ll all land when the dust settles, but through it all I’ve decided that remaining true to my own values is the key to thriving.
When I turned 39 three years ago, my whole life fell apart, and I have been building it back up piece by piece ever since. I feel like I’ve learned that I am much stronger than I ever realized, which is a good thing to carry into my 40’s and beyond. As I read a bit about your own journey in this post, I see why I love your blog so much. Authenticity and honesty are at the center of my life now, and I can’t live any other way. The friendships I keep now I will treasure, but I’m also not going to waste any more time on people who are not honest or real.
Thanks for such a thoughtful post. You’ve given us a lot to think about!
xo Gigi
PS I made the Coca-Cola cake today. Boy, was it a hit!! Thanks for the recipe.
.-= Gigi´s last blog ..Hearts and Food and Love =-.
Rob, friendship means so many things to so many different people. To me it means committed through thick and thin and then back again. That person you can bare your soul to and they still love you, they know something is going on even when they don’t hear the words. I love you for being that friend to me.
Ruthie…thx friend. Love you