If you’ve read me for very long, you know I believe that all of us are living, every day, the legacy we will one day leave. In writing a little series on Living My Legacy I’ve take a detour…Aging Gracefully. I’m very nearly forty-eight years old and there is so much I wish I’d known about aging! I’m compelled to age gracefully as part of living my legacy, so I wanted to talk about it a little bit! I’ve been doing that here...
Today I want to talk about something that at my age I have no room for…Toxic People. Sit with me for a moment Peeps…
Toxic people. I’ve been one. Have you?
What’s a toxic person? My knee-jerk answer is:
* someone who’s very presence drains the life out of you.
*Someone who’s overly negative, you find yourself agreeing and becoming negative right along with them.
*Overly self deprecating, you spend every other breath disagreeing with their belittling verbiage and trying to build them up.
*The takers. You find yourself used up after only a few hours with this person.
*The drama queen/king. You are keyed up after every single encounter. There’s always something to be in freak-out mode about with this person.
*The victim. You are always feeling so sorry for this person for their lot in life. So sad. They are just one breath away from giving up. But they never do, they just keep harping.
There are more but I recognize these because I’ve been each and every one of these toxic personalities to someone in my life at one time or the other.
I’ve also had these types of people in my life. When I recognize a person in my life as toxic always my first question, (okay maybe my second question) is this…what do I do that is exactly like something they do that annoys me?
I can always find at least a smidge of something we have in common. Then I know where I can improve. Having a toxic person in my life is kinda exciting to me! God always shows me something new and amazing that I can tweak in my own life! With that in mind I’ve had some big excitement lately, some major opportunities to tweak my own bad self!
However, just because God uses these relationships doesn’t mean I have to stay in them. I think it’s okay and even necessary to put up boundaries with toxic people. How to go about doing this is something I’ve wrestled with over the years. While putting distance between me and a toxic person seems logical it also feels a little judgmental. In the past I’ve opted to err on the side of not judging and simply continued in toxic relationships. Lately however, I believe God has shown me the best little thing…my toxic person may not be toxic to everyone. There are circumstances, like a work situation or a social situation that may cause toxic relationships between two people when outside of that circumstance the person is perfectly delightful to everyone else!
Why does that help me? Because I no longer have to judge a person. I just determine that for me this relationship is toxic and I make the changes needed to secure peace in my life. Oh this is freeing I tell you!
Have you ever been toxic to another person? Do you have a relationship that may need some distance? Have you put distance between yourself and a toxic person in a way that was constructive? Do share!
I’m linking today to Works for Me Wednesday over at We are That Family…since Aging Gracefully works for me! (Lot’s of tips on a variety of topics over there…check it out!)