Yesterday was less than good.
How do I say this?
I had goals for this journey…
~to provide a peaceful environment where Emma could find spiritual, emotional and physical health.
~to help her ready her life for the big changes ahead.
That’s pretty much it. Or so I thought. But somehow in the past week this other goal took the number 1 spot, edging out the others.
I didn’t give this goal permission to control my attitudes and emotions. But for crying-in-the-rain, the pushy goal has been quietly gaining ground and yesterday my attitude and emotions were 100% controlled.
Here’s the stealth goal…Getting Emma over her “boyfriend”, past the emotional ties. Past the grief. Past the …relationship. (Obviously, they have to have a relationship on some level since they will be forever linked by this little One.)
And how many of you are seeing major problems with this? Yes. I know. Major problems.
I’ve never been able to control Emma. I certainly can’t control her tender heart now. Only her Father God can do that. And He is able.
So I’ve been walking on broken glass so to speak, giving up my goals. Giving Emma back to the One who loves her most and knows her best. Letting go of my daughter for the umpteenth time in the past 23 years. Sigh. Heavy sigh.
We go to the Neurologist this afternoon. We may not get loads of answers but should at least get a tiny bit of light to help us take the next step.
Are you weary with me asking for prayer? I wouldn’t blame you, but here’s the thing, every single ounce of energy I have is going into this journey right now. I can’t focus on anything else. Oh, except praying for the needs you’ve told me about. God is being so sweet to whisper your names to me all day long, reminding me to pray, pray, pray…
Love to you my friends~
Never too weary. Already prayed for both of you today. Love and hugs my friend. (Share some of that with Emma as well)
With you in Spirit.
Weary? Keep bringing all your fears and struggles to light. You have tons of folks praying and crying out and it is energizing and not tiring.
Praying for you and Emma! Just keep walking…
.-= Tom Raines´s last blog ..Today’s Affirmation: The Lord is my help and my shield. =-.
I hope there is good news to be had at the neurologist. At least so questions answered and a path laid our for the future. Hang in there!!
.-= Philip´s last blog ..Healthy Granola Bars =-.
Are you tired of chasing pretty rainbows,
Are you tired of spinning round and round,
Wrap up all the shattered dreams of your life,
And at the feet of Jesus, lay them down.
Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus ~
Shattered dreams, wounded hearts, broken toys,
Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus,
And He will turn your sorrows into joy ~ Evie
This song, by Evie, came to mind as I read your blog this morning.
I thought about Emma…………
Love you ~
Giving Emma back to the One who loves her the most and knows her the best.
THAT was a monumental decision.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your path.
Proverbs 3:5-7
I am sure Emma is wrestling emotionally with all the things going on in her life right now. She is blessed to have such loving, supportive parents to help her.
Getting over someone emotionally is never easy and this event has a mountain of brokenness surrounding it. I know your heart breaks for Emma and your instincts want to protect her from anymore hurt, but all you can do is pray for guidance and wait for an answer. I pray you find peace today.
I hope the Doctor has some answers and Emma is feeling better.
Love you both.
Still praying for Emma. Almost finished with the book Plan B it has been helpful but I’m still having an occasional meltdown. Thinking of you today.
I’ve not posted before, but I’ve read your comments every day and I’ve been PRAYING for you – both of you. I HEAR your “mother’s heart” crying out from your posts. I’m sure you have so many QUESTIONS for God and yet each day I see HIM bringing you through yet another challenge. I’ll continue to pray for you!
Never to weary to pray for you my friend! I have been “walking on egg shells” (my very own broken glass) for about the 20+ months. I have run a gamut of emotions during that time. And what I learned/LIVED has been very similar to what you are discribing this morning. I could not control anything ~ not people, not circumstance, not emotions….NOT ANYTHING! What I could do was ask God for “just enough light for the step I am on” (which btw is an amazing book by Stormie Omartian) and keep putting one foot in front of the other ~ day after day walking in faith and KNOWING (still learning this one) that HE is in control and I don’t have to be. He is using everything in my life (and others in it as well) to make me into what He intended me to be before He thought me into being! Throughout the last several months well intended friends (Christian and non-Christian alike) have said how strong I was, that they would have given up, and that they can’t believe what all I have been thru…….. there have even been times that my husband asked why I was still here. The answer is “simple”…because this is where God placed me to do the work He set before me! What right do I have to question that (although I frequently do)? HE placed it before me, HE is bringing glory to His kingdom by working thru me, He is doing it ALL…. for I will tell you in my finite wisdom ~ I could never see the good for all the “bad” or difficult that I have been carried thru by HIM!!! Loving and praying for you both (well….baby, too ~ so that makes three!) and rejoicing that you reached out and gave me the blessing of doing so!
.-= Cyndy´s last blog ..Getting to the HEART of the matter =-.
oh my sweet, incredible robin… your words always move me…
i have been and i am there with my sweet son….
i am praying for you…
know i love and adore you…
.-= kim klassen´s last blog ..second.gear photoshop ‘the art of texture’ =-.
Hang in there…
.-= Angie @ The Country Chic Cottage´s last blog ..A Tisket, A Tasket, I’m in love with Baskets! =-.
Dear Robin,
One thing I’m learning in my journey is that when we are weak, God brings friends to hold up our arms. I’m thinking of Exodus 17:9-13, where Moses needed to hold up the rod of God in order to win a battle. As long as he held it up, his army persevered, but when he became weak and worn out and let his arms, and the rod, down, his army failed. Thank goodness, Moses wasn’t alone. Seeing that their friend was tired, Aaron and Hur ran to Moses, and they encouraged him and held up his arms. That’s what true friends do, Robin; they hold up our arms!
We are holding up your arms today. When you don’t know how to pray, or what to pray, remember that we are here praying for you and Emma.
Be at peace my friend. We’ll pray you through the day.
Jean
.-= Jean Fischer´s last blog ..What a God! =-.
I’m praying for all of you~
Robin, being a mom is the best and hardest job in the world. I wouldn’t trade this beautiful, sometimes heart breaking, job given to me by God above. But knowing when to hold on tight and when to let go is such a fine line. Our job to raise them up to be adults and watch them go into the world to make good choices and bad choices is such a mixed bag of emotions. It can be so difficult to step back and let them go yet be there for them and support them! How do we get the right balance? I have no answers I only have faith that my girls are in the Father’s hands and he loves them more than I can even imagine.
Please keep asking other brothers and sisters in Christ to stand in the gap and pray. That is what we are here for and want to do. Sometimes it is the only thing we can do!
Love you,
Joni
Prayers for you!
.-= Rene Smith´s last blog ..The Greatest Gifts I Ever Received! =-.
The song that came to my mind as I finished reading your post today was the song: You Raise Me Up by Selah… Praying those words will pierce your dear dear heart.. Let us also not forget to pray for the babies father that his heart may be wooed by the Spirit…. Alot can happen since God is still in control
.-= Jeannie´s last blog ..BLOOD MONEY =-.
Never too weary and do not ever feel asking for prayer is a burden. I have kept you and Emma in my prayers and will continue too. It is a long journey you have step carefully and continue to rely on him who loves her and you best.
.-= Linda @ A La Carte´s last blog ..FLOWERS FOR A SOCCER MOM =-.
Weary??? Never! You need all these prayers, love, support, encouragement etc. I am praying and hoping. I SOOO can empathize with you. I have had to let my daughter “go” into sometimes terrible places but, thank God, He always brought her (and me) through it. I won’t go into details here but she made some terrible choices and decisions but, again, thank God is a beautiful, happy, thriving, soon to be married young woman now. HOPE, Robin. Keep that in your mind for now….there is ALWAYS hope. LOVE, love, Pinky
Robin, My heart aches for you. I’ve been down this road with my daughter who is also 23 or will be shortly turning 23. The crying has stopped finally for me over heart ache but the worry I’m afraid I haven’t learned how to totally just give that over. I’m what my grandfather called a “worry wart”, he would call me “wart” for short but we all knew what he meant. Yep as a small child I was like this and never taught to hand it over to someone else and to trust….. I am still a work in progress. I’m trying to turn over and pray for our end of the month saga.
My prayer for Emma is that she is able to make peace with all the decisions, that she is able to learn to trust her fears to God like you’ve been teaching her. What a great mom to be able to teach and show her how to trust someone else with your fears and concerns. This is definitely a gift you are giving her.
Someone visited our home lately and looked around and questioned my daughter “are your parents religious?”. Her response, “my mom is very spiritual”. I took that as a great compliment, surprised by her response. There are only a couple of crosses up in the house and one huge print of Jesus Ascending into Heaven that my Grandfather had, apparently it is very old and I treasure it…
Thinking and praying for you.
Teri
Prayers being said, always. Never too weary to hear what is on your heart and mind! Emma is so very lucky to have a mom giving her 100 percent of herself right now.
Blessings to you both!
.-= Vicky´s last blog ..He is 10 years old today… =-.
Never too weary for prayers from the heart!
Diana
Robin, I believe you are doing the next right thing. So just hang in there. Don’t think for a minute that we are weary of your prayer requests. Never in a million years! We feel your need and we also feel the pain Emma’s going through. Wondering myself just how much this is hurting her. She must really feel some distress over things! I know my heart would be broken into pieces. May I pray here? I hope you don’t mind when I pray for y’all in written words. I pray them with my heart and soul.
Father in heaven, though the world is spinning too fast right now for this family, they are united together in Your Love. I pray that Robin and Emma would feel Your hand gripped on their wrists as You hold on to them tightly. Your Word says by King David that the Ark of the Covenant in the tabernacle was Your footstool. I picture You on Your throne in heaven with Your feet resting here on earth on the Ark of the Covenant. That’s how BIG You are, Lord. You are bigger than any problem that comes with fear. Your angels even said to those they spoke to…”Fear not.” Life is full of unknowns but today, we give thanks that Emma is under a doctor’s care and will be taken care of. We give thanks that Emma has a family that loves her. We give thanks that this baby will be a blessing to them and that things will work out for good! Father, I ask for the BEST for Emma and her baby…and even for the young man who has stepped aside. No heart is hopeless for welcoming Jesus Christ into this situation. I pray that You would take each piece of this puzzle and start putting together a story of love, hope and faith for Your Glory. Bring peace to Robin’s heart. Make her smarter than she is (O, how we all need that)! Give Emma courage to make wise decisions and give her Your Lion of Judah Roar to use when her baby is threatened by any harm. Bless her in her youth and love her broken heart right now. Give her hope. Help her to trust You for The Answer. You are always our “Yes!” I pray for songs of faith to be on Robin’s lips. I pray for Robin’s husband to be a rock for her to lean on. Father, one of the greatest battles the Hebrew people won began with the Priests and Praise Singers leading the Army of the Lord. And You gave them victory. May this family worship at Your feet and Sing to You songs of praise. Be still and know that I am Lord. Faith takes just enough strength…the size of a mustard seed. Give them all they need to keep on the path You are showing them. One step at a time. I thank You for Robin and her open heart. Pour Your Love into her right now. We thank You. In Jesus Name. Amen.
.-= twinkle´s last blog ..Snapdragons, Orbiting Daughters, Lemon Cake… =-.
Praying for you AND Emily ..hang in there my friend!
I will never grow weary of praying with and for you. I think one of the hardest things for a mom is letting her child walk into and through the fire when you see the danger. But it’s Emma’s fire to be in, endure and walk through. And she will, friend. Just like you have walked though so many fires of your own. I’m sorry for the pain watching it causes you and will be praying for your steady heart. Love you.
.-= gitz´s last blog ..Gitz Bits 2010: Week 18 =-.
Still praying for you and Emma. Love & blessings from NC!
.-= Melinda´s last blog ..Congratulations Mom!!! =-.
Oh’ Robin, we will never weary of someone as kind and caring as you. I’m happy to be able to pray for you and Emma. You just remember that you have the Lord right there with you and that we’re all saying prayers for ya’ll. Honey I’m here anytime you need to share, even when you’re to tired to talk about it. Just give me a hollar and I’ll be glad to give you an uplifting word. Remember knowing you need us, helps us too.
Hugs and many prayers…..Tracy 🙂
Robin, I’m just now catching up on your blog and what’s been going on the past week. Just want you to know that you, Emma and sweet baby are in my prayers. Hope to hear good news from the neurologist soon. Sending a big, big hug your way!
.-= Vanessa´s last blog ..Welcome, Sweet Baby Girl! =-.
Sigh. If someone had told me that our hearts would have been so tired up in theirs – that the emotions just grew with age rather than dissipate – I don’t know that I would have had so many kids. Of course, thank God I did, because with so many usually one likes me at all times:). I hate hate hate when my kids have a heartache, a ripping that I can’t fix. That I can’t make better. I hate the powerlessness of it all. Emma is going to have LOTS of emotions. She has to have them to heal. So you are going to get to listen. And find her others to listen. Maybe even a professional. She will need to grieve and grieve again. I was at Alanon the other day – someone shared “the answer IS the pain.” I hate that like I’ve told you before. I hate pain. Another man shared that his counselor said “If it ain’t inside your hula-hoop – you can’t fix it” and “the answer to this is NOT more of ME.” I wish you could fix Emma’s pain – I wish I could fix my kid’s pain. At least I know the Father feels the same about mine – and though he doesn’t fix it in MY timetable – He never slumbers and never sleeps and His purposes are sure. Let her grieve – let her share….say lots and lots of “Oh, Emma.” and “I understand.” She can’t feel like she is failing by grieving and by wanting things to be the way they should. Lots of love – Are you sick of me yet?
I know this is an old post, but I’ve been absent for quite some time so I’m catching up and my heart is breaking for you as a mother. And for Emma. I found myself in a similar situation when I was preganant with my second child because my husband had been blinded in his left eye while I was six months pregnant and he shut everyone out. Everyone. Even my oldest. I was sure I was headed for divorce and single motherhood and had resigned myself to it, while my heart was broken and bleeding for my babies. The only thing I could do was spend time with my Father. I had a peace about things and a resolution I didn’t know I was capable of and I know God’s hand was on me every step of the way. Happily, the night I went into labor, God flipped a switch in my husband’s heart and we are happier and closer than I ever imagined we could be. I’ll pray that Emma’s situation turns out as joyfully one way or another and that your heart will be strong.