Yesterday was less than good.
How do I say this?
I had goals for this journey…
~to provide a peaceful environment where Emma could find spiritual, emotional and physical health.
~to help her ready her life for the big changes ahead.
That’s pretty much it. Or so I thought. But somehow in the past week this other goal took the number 1 spot, edging out the others.
I didn’t give this goal permission to control my attitudes and emotions. But for crying-in-the-rain, the pushy goal has been quietly gaining ground and yesterday my attitude and emotions were 100% controlled.
Here’s the stealth goal…Getting Emma over her “boyfriend”, past the emotional ties. Past the grief. Past the …relationship. (Obviously, they have to have a relationship on some level since they will be forever linked by this little One.)
And how many of you are seeing major problems with this? Yes. I know. Major problems.
I’ve never been able to control Emma. I certainly can’t control her tender heart now. Only her Father God can do that. And He is able.
So I’ve been walking on broken glass so to speak, giving up my goals. Giving Emma back to the One who loves her most and knows her best. Letting go of my daughter for the umpteenth time in the past 23 years. Sigh. Heavy sigh.
We go to the Neurologist this afternoon. We may not get loads of answers but should at least get a tiny bit of light to help us take the next step.
Are you weary with me asking for prayer? I wouldn’t blame you, but here’s the thing, every single ounce of energy I have is going into this journey right now. I can’t focus on anything else. Oh, except praying for the needs you’ve told me about. God is being so sweet to whisper your names to me all day long, reminding me to pray, pray, pray…
Love to you my friends~